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20.10.11
Georgia Iris.
My first child,
My little one,
My love.
I haven't been able to write
a single word for you
Until now.
On this day, your anniversary,
There was no push into life for you;
No cries,
No mothers milk.
They gave me a pill to dry me up,
To erase my maternal feeling.
They could not evaporate the mother in me.
I cried for you eternally.
At my most despairing,
I long to be with you again;
With you - the one who holds the truth of me-
Bad, good
Damaged, intact
Ugly, beautiful
Discarded, accepted.
I didn't know what to call myself.
Was I a mother
if my baby was dead?
Was I deserving of that title
If I murdered you with my imperfection?
I could not be mother, life giver.
I would not bring joy, or hope.
I gave birth to the deformed representation
Of the damaged me.
Mangled hand,
Missing leg bone,
Heart too small.
But to me, you were beautiful,
Perfect,
Whole.
My precious baby.
I loved every part of you.
I remember every touch of you,
Warm, silky, smooth;
The next day cold.
I touched your lips,
I held your hand,
I cradled you.
Your skin translucent and bruising;
Too delicate for this world,
But always safely held
Inside my heart.
Georgia Iris
My first child,
My little one,
My love
Georgia Iris.
My first child,
My little one,
My love.
I haven't been able to write
a single word for you
Until now.
On this day, your anniversary,
There was no push into life for you;
No cries,
No mothers milk.
They gave me a pill to dry me up,
To erase my maternal feeling.
They could not evaporate the mother in me.
I cried for you eternally.
At my most despairing,
I long to be with you again;
With you - the one who holds the truth of me-
Bad, good
Damaged, intact
Ugly, beautiful
Discarded, accepted.
I didn't know what to call myself.
Was I a mother
if my baby was dead?
Was I deserving of that title
If I murdered you with my imperfection?
I could not be mother, life giver.
I would not bring joy, or hope.
I gave birth to the deformed representation
Of the damaged me.
Mangled hand,
Missing leg bone,
Heart too small.
But to me, you were beautiful,
Perfect,
Whole.
My precious baby.
I loved every part of you.
I remember every touch of you,
Warm, silky, smooth;
The next day cold.
I touched your lips,
I held your hand,
I cradled you.
Your skin translucent and bruising;
Too delicate for this world,
But always safely held
Inside my heart.
Georgia Iris
My first child,
My little one,
My love
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No wonder you have been struggling Hidden.