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trying again

Posted by catsinspace , 18 March 2012 · 53 views

I've calmed down a lot since the last time I was on the forums. I'm going to try and talk all of my frustrations out with my therapist over the phone or maybe in person if I can still go back to therapy. When I have a really hard time understanding how I feel and what I want to say I resort to an unnecessary amount of anger, which only hurts me in the end. I can't keep having such severe mood swings or locking myself up. I don't think they'll ever go away completely. Deep down I know I let myself stray away from therapy because I'm super defensive and getting close to someone isn't easy for me. I stated that in the beginning of sessions and hopefully she understands why I've been ignoring appointments and phone calls. Something else I need to address to others in my life is HOW important it is for me to work my feelings out with a professional. No more excuses, no more letting other people make my decisions for me. It's strange, but changing the way I deal with things even if it is for the better has scared me more than the possibility of never learning new and better coping skills. It's comfortable staying stagnant and afraid, also a learned condition.. This is a self diagnosis, pretty sure I'm manic-depressive. One week everything is great no matter what happens, next week I can't get out of bed. It feels like it's impossible to grow as a person when uncontrollable mood swings happen for the slightest reason, or no reason at all.

i have felt that way before, but everything passes as this will. one week i felt i was happy and geting somewhere then next felt i couldnt get out of bed, didnt want to see anyone or do anything. i was actually starting to fade away from tech like college. but then i got back on track. i still get affected just not as much as what i did. i still see him and makes me feel uncomfortable. but get stronger everyday. what affects me is no one understands they dont seem too see what im feeling or saying, many think its silly or being ridiculous but they could never understand. i dont trust anyone, i wouldnt even see a therapist or anything for i feel everyone judges you someway. i did see one once it helped a little for thee time, but not again. but you will get over this for it will pass, if you want to speak with someone it is up too you, but if not it is up to you too. dont pressure yourself or feel you have to do anything you dont feel comfortable with doing. sending my love and if you need to talk or anything please dont hesitate =] sandra
Mar 19 2012 04:40 PM
Thank you for sharing with me Sandra

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