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It's been awhile.
I need to post more frequently because there has been a lot weighing on my mind. I have been grappling with things since last Thursday. A trigger here, anxiety attack there, feeling like shit or just feeling gross; and tonight it feels like a mellow (not intense) level of depression. So subtle though that I calmly had an urge to SI tonight in the bath tub! But I removed the razor, took an "out of sight, out of mind" approach and finished my bath.
Then broke down crying tonight over things that are completely unrelated to my recovery (boyfriend's crazee ex girlfriend). Then got upset over that for even wasting anytime thinking about that girl at all, when I should be worrying about me!!!!
On the plus side, this blog post is helping me get some things out. I hope to post a better entry, and participate more in the forums, after work tomorrow. I need this; and you guys.
I need to post more frequently because there has been a lot weighing on my mind. I have been grappling with things since last Thursday. A trigger here, anxiety attack there, feeling like shit or just feeling gross; and tonight it feels like a mellow (not intense) level of depression. So subtle though that I calmly had an urge to SI tonight in the bath tub! But I removed the razor, took an "out of sight, out of mind" approach and finished my bath.
Then broke down crying tonight over things that are completely unrelated to my recovery (boyfriend's crazee ex girlfriend). Then got upset over that for even wasting anytime thinking about that girl at all, when I should be worrying about me!!!!
On the plus side, this blog post is helping me get some things out. I hope to post a better entry, and participate more in the forums, after work tomorrow. I need this; and you guys.
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