Trying to catch a break
We needed new tires and brakes on our car. We couldn't afford them so my Aunt M paid for them and mom will pay her back later. Aunt M came up to me today and started asking me if there was any way I could help out my mom finacially. She knows I don't have a job, how am I supposed to help? I don't have any income. I guess she was expecting me to give mom money from my school loans. Which I have always done in the past when she needed money. I spent all of the loan money except for several hundred dollars on tuition, that several hundred went on books, and the rest has gone on gas. All of that money is gone and I didn't waste a penny of it, but M is painting me out to be a bad guy. Like I'm deliberately holding out. She then started asking me if I was even trying to get a job. I've been trying for years with no luck. I live in a really small town surrounded by even smaller towns and I have no experience. No one wants to hire me. I've been trying even harder lately to get a job because I need to get away from my family. I search several websites, newspapers, and the university website weekly. I've applied for several jobs and haven't heard anything. I'm also having the career center at the university look over my pathetic resume, hoping they find something to make me look better.
My sister meanwhile does nothing. She's 19 and has been trying to get her GED for two years. And when I say trying I mean not at all. She keeps getting kicked out of the classes because she mouths the teacher or just doesn't show up at all. Even when she does show up she always leaves early. She does nothing all day but sleep then she leaves. But nobody every asks her why isn't she trying to get a job. They treat her like she can't do anything. She can, she's just lazy and knows other people will do it for her. Like she's not capable of doing anything. They expect her to be nothing in life. Just to stay like this forever, never having a job, living with mom. I think it's cruel to treat someone like that. She will always be the way she is because of them.
All the blame and responsiblity gets put on me. It always has. M acts like I'm doing nothing. I'm a full time student. I work my ass off to make sure all my grades are A's and B's. Not to mention all of the emotional and verbal abuse I have to take from my mom and sister. Oh and the fact that sometimes I can barely function because I'm so depressed and I can't stop having memories. I am trying. I am trying so hard even though all I want to do is quit and give up. I am so tired. I wish I could just stop and rest.