Help
The defense attorney at court: she herself didn't up up much fight, only saying stop once, and not retaliating
It's perfectly normal to think it was consensual if he got up and showered afterwards.
Um have you ever been raped? Its the most terrifying thing to ever happen to a person when youve entrusted this person with your life like a brother, you paralyzed (not always) Have you ever had consensual sex with a woman? Who showers immediately after having sex?
A friend when I told her he had gotten a year in jail etc.: wow. Wow what? Nothing. No what? Oh I'm just shocked I didn't expect he'd get anything.
Thanks for all the love and support???? What the heck? Wanna just call me a liar and a skank like we all know your thinking?
Only had two stupidest comments so far but they stung.
Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
Top 10 Stupidest Comments
#677
Posted 03 March 2012 - 06:05 PM
From my ex boyfriend... About two weeks before our first sex (and my first sex, not including abuse), I send him a SMS that I was sexually abused as a child by my older brother. When we saw each other next day, I didn't tell him details, just that a few people knew about that and that my brother also was a drug dealer.
First he said: Don't tell that to anyone.
Me: But I just told you that I had said that to my best friends.
Him: Well, I mean, don't tell anyone that he is a drug dealer. He is your brother.
After having sex with him, he asked me with whom I had slept before him!?!?! I was confused and said: "Nobody". He said: "You are lying".
This one is the reason I left him. We were in bed, having sex, and he told me a joke. I don't remember the whole joke, but I do remember this part: "That five year old girl is bad in bed. She is f******g like she is two". (Abuse begun when I was five, but he didn't know that)
First he said: Don't tell that to anyone.
Me: But I just told you that I had said that to my best friends.
Him: Well, I mean, don't tell anyone that he is a drug dealer. He is your brother.
After having sex with him, he asked me with whom I had slept before him!?!?! I was confused and said: "Nobody". He said: "You are lying".
This one is the reason I left him. We were in bed, having sex, and he told me a joke. I don't remember the whole joke, but I do remember this part: "That five year old girl is bad in bed. She is f******g like she is two". (Abuse begun when I was five, but he didn't know that)
#678
Posted 04 March 2012 - 10:23 PM
It happened twenty years ago. I'm sure nothing bad was meant by it but I blocked it out for long time never delt with it properly.
#679
Posted 04 March 2012 - 11:53 PM
You always manage to land on your feet no matter what happens.
Not fucking exactly I don't but thanks for that.
#680
Posted 28 March 2012 - 12:51 PM
it never goes away but youl get over it
This post has been edited by chrystall: 28 March 2012 - 01:05 PM
#681
- Group: Member
- Posts: 579
- Joined: 01-March 12
Posted 29 March 2012 - 07:19 AM
My mother, when we went out of the doctor's room and I started to cry. I just heard that I was not seropositive, and he told me that, nevertheless I'm not ill, I would have to wear it as a shoulderbag during my whole life. I knew he understood me. My mother said: 'Doctors are always exegerating like that. XXX (a friend of her) has gone through it, and she's learned to live with it and now she has no problems.' Yeah, but I really don't want to become like her...
My friend, a few days ago in class. I don't know what we were talking about anymore. Anyway, one moment she said, laughing: 'Heeey, are you traumatised? Were you abused?' She doesn't know about it, and now that I came to the moment I felt like I was ready to tell her about it (soon), she just ruined it. I was just like; yeah, I was, and I'm dying inside because I can't tell you because I f*cking like you so much and you're the best friend I ever had. :unsure:/> :tear:/>
I really feel like getting in my dad's car and driving to get my emotions out, but I'm afraid it'll get me into an accident.
My friend, a few days ago in class. I don't know what we were talking about anymore. Anyway, one moment she said, laughing: 'Heeey, are you traumatised? Were you abused?' She doesn't know about it, and now that I came to the moment I felt like I was ready to tell her about it (soon), she just ruined it. I was just like; yeah, I was, and I'm dying inside because I can't tell you because I f*cking like you so much and you're the best friend I ever had. :unsure:/> :tear:/>
I really feel like getting in my dad's car and driving to get my emotions out, but I'm afraid it'll get me into an accident.
#682
Posted 02 April 2012 - 11:42 AM
From a psychiatrist: "If I slap you and it hurts you right now, then it is my fault. If it still hurts 20 years from now, then it is your fault."
#683
Posted 02 April 2012 - 11:47 AM
Cranberry, do not believe that. It is not your fault. How the heck did that person get a psychiatric degree??? That is BS. I am so sorry.
:trigger:/>
The most absurd thing I heard was during my R. He was having trouble finishing (maybe because I was crying and trying to get away???) and told me I had to help him out because he could die of "blue balls." Right.
:trigger:/>
The most absurd thing I heard was during my R. He was having trouble finishing (maybe because I was crying and trying to get away???) and told me I had to help him out because he could die of "blue balls." Right.
#684
Posted 04 April 2012 - 01:06 PM
KimberlyD,
That's horrible that he said that. I'm sorry he was so selfish, that he'd do that int he first place, and then have the nerve to say something like that. It also reminded me of something that was said to me.. An old friend took advantage of me when I was drunk. I guess he got turned off by me crying and whimpering from him hurting me, because he rolled over and asked me for oral... and after I said no and scrambled off the bed he accused me of having affection issues. They're so selfish and horrible. I don't know how anyone could do things like that to another person, and I don't understand how they can do that and then blame us for not.. I don't know.. being enough for them. Eugh.
That's horrible that he said that. I'm sorry he was so selfish, that he'd do that int he first place, and then have the nerve to say something like that. It also reminded me of something that was said to me.. An old friend took advantage of me when I was drunk. I guess he got turned off by me crying and whimpering from him hurting me, because he rolled over and asked me for oral... and after I said no and scrambled off the bed he accused me of having affection issues. They're so selfish and horrible. I don't know how anyone could do things like that to another person, and I don't understand how they can do that and then blame us for not.. I don't know.. being enough for them. Eugh.
#685
Posted 25 April 2012 - 03:15 PM
"i know it's difficult but you can't just freak out like that in public anymore. it's been five years, you need to learn how to handle yourself."
that was a particularly hurtful one. :/
that was a particularly hurtful one. :/
#686
Posted 25 April 2012 - 06:08 PM
"Yeah but you're better than were last year so don't worry bout it" -- Friend say that me when I try tell her how depress, scared, lonely I was.
But ultimately when people hear
"Were you asking for it?"
UMMMMMMM I SAY NO. I NOT ASKING FOR IT. IF I ASKED FOR IT THEN I WOULDN'T SAY R*PE. I ASKED FOR IT *NOT*
But ultimately when people hear
"Were you asking for it?"
UMMMMMMM I SAY NO. I NOT ASKING FOR IT. IF I ASKED FOR IT THEN I WOULDN'T SAY R*PE. I ASKED FOR IT *NOT*
#687
Posted 25 April 2012 - 06:24 PM
Also, my mother talk about friend of ours who 16 with anorexia and she constant feel sorry for girl and say how awful.
But then I angry: where you be when I pay for own T sessions, had EDNOS, s-ied, depression and PTSD? Still HAVE. You no clue. You no care.
But then, I realize. She only gossiping! Like girl with anorexia is just new bit gossip to talk with friend!
But then I angry: where you be when I pay for own T sessions, had EDNOS, s-ied, depression and PTSD? Still HAVE. You no clue. You no care.
But then, I realize. She only gossiping! Like girl with anorexia is just new bit gossip to talk with friend!
#688
Posted 06 May 2012 - 06:28 PM
I both love and hate this thread all in one. So, a couple I can think of...
My dad, when I first told him: "You weren't raped"
Me: "YES. I. WAS!"
My dad: "Ok, fine 'consensual rape' then"
My mum, about a day after I told her: "Oh honey, it's going to be ok. We're going to go home and I'm going to look after you. You know what, when we get home I think it would really help you to go on internet dating and meet a couple of guys." Uhh, yeah. Not to mention I met my abusive ex on an internet dating site.
My mum, this morning (7 months after the above comment), "you know, I just don't know how long to sit on the sidelines for. You get so angry when I say things but you've got to start living again. What you really need is a job."
My mum (again!), "I just KNOW it wouldn't happen to me. I'm not saying it was your fault but there are some people who are definitely more prone to it than others. I would have seen him coming." Oh, ok mum, so the fact that he emotionally, physically and mentally abused me into submission before the abuse and rapes even started was all because I'm that 'type' of person.
My BFF: "I think you;re just, like, stuck in this bubble and it's making the fear worse. You need to just not worry about when you'll be ok, or what the statistics say about you being attacked again, you need to get out there. Oh and to talk about it. You need T, it will get it out and you'll see there's nothing to be scared of."
My dad (after I was crying over how slow and painful the court procedure was): "Chill girl. Lower the expectations. It probably won't even go to court and even if it does, he's not going to get anything because nothing serious happened." Yeah dad, multiple vaginal, oral and anal rape, sexual assault and physical assault are 'nothing serious'.
My mum, "you're safe now, he's not hurting you any more." OHH, so my constant flashbacks, anxiety and RTS are me hurting myself then?!
A police officer, discussing the case with me: "Now, I need to go over some of the things the defense might pick up on as proof that he's innocent. Firstly, after the anal rape, you had regular sex with him. And you were smiling." No I did NOT have regular sex with him, that was still rape. I was smiling because AS HE SAYS VERY CLEARLY ON THE VIDEO TAPE, he was going to anally rape me again unless I enjoyed it. 'Encouraging' 'regular sex' was the I only way I knew to keep myself safe from worse physical harm.
I would like to point out that my mum and BFF are two of the most supportive, well meaning people I know. But boy they say some stupid shit sometimes. As for my Dad...pfft. He's an emotionally devoid idiot.
xox
My dad, when I first told him: "You weren't raped"
Me: "YES. I. WAS!"
My dad: "Ok, fine 'consensual rape' then"
My mum, about a day after I told her: "Oh honey, it's going to be ok. We're going to go home and I'm going to look after you. You know what, when we get home I think it would really help you to go on internet dating and meet a couple of guys." Uhh, yeah. Not to mention I met my abusive ex on an internet dating site.
My mum, this morning (7 months after the above comment), "you know, I just don't know how long to sit on the sidelines for. You get so angry when I say things but you've got to start living again. What you really need is a job."
My mum (again!), "I just KNOW it wouldn't happen to me. I'm not saying it was your fault but there are some people who are definitely more prone to it than others. I would have seen him coming." Oh, ok mum, so the fact that he emotionally, physically and mentally abused me into submission before the abuse and rapes even started was all because I'm that 'type' of person.
My BFF: "I think you;re just, like, stuck in this bubble and it's making the fear worse. You need to just not worry about when you'll be ok, or what the statistics say about you being attacked again, you need to get out there. Oh and to talk about it. You need T, it will get it out and you'll see there's nothing to be scared of."
My dad (after I was crying over how slow and painful the court procedure was): "Chill girl. Lower the expectations. It probably won't even go to court and even if it does, he's not going to get anything because nothing serious happened." Yeah dad, multiple vaginal, oral and anal rape, sexual assault and physical assault are 'nothing serious'.
My mum, "you're safe now, he's not hurting you any more." OHH, so my constant flashbacks, anxiety and RTS are me hurting myself then?!
A police officer, discussing the case with me: "Now, I need to go over some of the things the defense might pick up on as proof that he's innocent. Firstly, after the anal rape, you had regular sex with him. And you were smiling." No I did NOT have regular sex with him, that was still rape. I was smiling because AS HE SAYS VERY CLEARLY ON THE VIDEO TAPE, he was going to anally rape me again unless I enjoyed it. 'Encouraging' 'regular sex' was the I only way I knew to keep myself safe from worse physical harm.
I would like to point out that my mum and BFF are two of the most supportive, well meaning people I know. But boy they say some stupid shit sometimes. As for my Dad...pfft. He's an emotionally devoid idiot.
xox
#689
- Survivor
- Group: Member
- Posts: 391
- Joined: 20-May 09
Posted 09 May 2012 - 02:41 AM
It's unfortunate you have all had to deal with insensitive/stupid/ignorant remarks.
My brother "I going to be there for you like a good big brother whenever you're down but only call me when it's really important, like if you're about to end your life; I can't rearrange my life to be there for you when you're just upset." Um thanks, S, I that makes me feel like you care oh-so-much!
Cop "So did he r* you? Did he touch you at all?" No, he just stared at me for a little while and then got tired.
Mom "I know it was recent but maybe knowing it was your fault will help with your recovery; I mean, you shouldn't have been out with just three of your guy friends." Yea, cause I'm supposed to assume one of my good friends could do that and accepting that I should've only hung out with girls is going to speed up my healing process.
Trigger:
When I was being r* and was in and out of consciousness the guy was trying to flip me over and was like "can you help me out? Just roll onto your back, don't be stupid, I'll help push you."
My brother "I going to be there for you like a good big brother whenever you're down but only call me when it's really important, like if you're about to end your life; I can't rearrange my life to be there for you when you're just upset." Um thanks, S, I that makes me feel like you care oh-so-much!
Cop "So did he r* you? Did he touch you at all?" No, he just stared at me for a little while and then got tired.
Mom "I know it was recent but maybe knowing it was your fault will help with your recovery; I mean, you shouldn't have been out with just three of your guy friends." Yea, cause I'm supposed to assume one of my good friends could do that and accepting that I should've only hung out with girls is going to speed up my healing process.
Trigger:
When I was being r* and was in and out of consciousness the guy was trying to flip me over and was like "can you help me out? Just roll onto your back, don't be stupid, I'll help push you."
#690
Posted 09 May 2012 - 06:23 PM
Quote
Trigger:
When I was being r* and was in and out of consciousness the guy was trying to flip me over and was like "can you help me out? Just roll onto your back, don't be stupid, I'll help push you."
When I was being r* and was in and out of consciousness the guy was trying to flip me over and was like "can you help me out? Just roll onto your back, don't be stupid, I'll help push you."
That really takes the prize for most f***ed up comment. I want to say "what an absolute -----" but I can't find anything awful enough to compare him to. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that, on top of everything else. I've blocked out most of the things my ex said to me during and I'm hoping those memories never resurface.
