Locked Away - Memories
I took a friend with me. We arrived at the court house and were greeted by my victim's advocate, the detective I have been working with, and the DA. My detective went in first to speak with the jury, it didn't last long and then I was called in. The jury was made up of seven women around a long table. The DA asked me some questions, I have trouble remembering them now since I was very nervous and didn't really want to talk about it in front of so many people. They consoled me, did their best to make me feel comfortable.
I had to tell him about the one clear molestation memory I have. Where he put me on his lap and I felt a stabbing discomfort under me, and he tickled my arm pits while reaching under my shirt. The memory some times includes a sick feeling low in my stomach... the DA asked me "Is it possible he touched you anywhere else?" he was asking about this memory... I told him that I didn't know. It's possible but I can't see it.
They let me go and told me that I could wait to hear what they decide to do next. It didn't take long before the DA came back. He told me that they were going to proceed with charges. He said, "We're in a unique situation here, since he has confessed to far more than you currently remember. He admits to touching your private parts" He said they were going to charge him with 10 counts of child sex abuse in the first degree. I only remember one time...
Further talking to the DA and detective I find out that they believe there is easily 20+ counts, but since I don't remember more than one, 10 is the number they picked...
It is.. shocking. This isn't what I expected when I started this process, I barely had hope that they would be able to add one count to his record.
It is also validating. I believed I was hunted, when I only had memory of him watching me. I believed that I had been hurt worse/more than just the one time... but at the same time, I told myself that I couldn't believe those things.
Now I consider begging my inner self to keep those memories blocked.