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So as I am making supper for my family and realizing that I had a pretty "normal" day. Nothing exciting happened, no flashbacks, no crazy feelings, no panic attacks. I should be happy and relieved. Instead I feel stuck.
Is it that I am so used to being on edge and tormented by the past that it's become a familiar and "safe" place? Or is it that I am afraid that there's more underneath, just waiting to come out?
And then again maybe I'm just over thinking it the way I always do with everything??
:toomuch:
Well I'm trying hard to just let it be and let life come as it may! Not an easy thing to do when all you've ever known in life is that the minute you start to relax and try to be happy someone decides to beat reality into you. Trying to stop looking over my shoulder and waiting for the next man in my life to profess his love and affection and then have him shatter my hopes and dreams of actually being loved and wanted by a man for just who I am not what he can get out of me.
But now....
As I start over with a husband who loves me know matter what, and has proven it over and over, and 4 beautiful children and an absolute angel of a granddaughter, I'm learning.
Day by day I move closer to being able to BREATHE!
Thank you God for this wonderful feeling of peace and freedom from this darkness I've lived in for so long!
Thank you Pandys for giving me a place to find my voice for the first time ever!! :yahoo:
Is it that I am so used to being on edge and tormented by the past that it's become a familiar and "safe" place? Or is it that I am afraid that there's more underneath, just waiting to come out?
And then again maybe I'm just over thinking it the way I always do with everything??
:toomuch:
Well I'm trying hard to just let it be and let life come as it may! Not an easy thing to do when all you've ever known in life is that the minute you start to relax and try to be happy someone decides to beat reality into you. Trying to stop looking over my shoulder and waiting for the next man in my life to profess his love and affection and then have him shatter my hopes and dreams of actually being loved and wanted by a man for just who I am not what he can get out of me.
But now....
As I start over with a husband who loves me know matter what, and has proven it over and over, and 4 beautiful children and an absolute angel of a granddaughter, I'm learning.
Day by day I move closer to being able to BREATHE!
Thank you God for this wonderful feeling of peace and freedom from this darkness I've lived in for so long!
Thank you Pandys for giving me a place to find my voice for the first time ever!! :yahoo:
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It sounds like things are starting to be better for you, and I'm so happy for you. You deserve the good stuff, you deserve to be love, and to have that peace and freedom. And I'm so glad you found Pandys, and that you are finding your voice!!
The upside is more and more I can tell that I'm actually getting better. It will happen for you too! It just takes pain staking amounts of time!!! :rolleyes:
Keep up the work though! It will happen! :hug: