Pandora's Aquarium: Kicked - Pandora's Aquarium

Once I clung to your every word, I allowed you to consume me, to own me, to control me. I wished for you to change, to love me back, to be able to be my father. But you are unable to. You didnt have it in you, to actually love and care for someone unconditionally. To allow them the freedom to grow and change. You wanted to contain them, to keep them stamped down and controlled. That is not what a father does. It is not what a person does. If you love someone you support them to grow and watch them flourish. But that scares you and makes you uncomfortable. So when someone was smarter than you, you smacked them. When they showed you up in front of people, you punched them infront of everyone. There is a word for you, it is bully. When things are going well for someone you have to stop it. You have to take the life and spirit from someone. You are an animal that does not deserve anything he has.

Grandma believed me, she said my dad was a bastard. That what he had done to me was terrible and if only she had known what was happening she would of rescued me. She has seen how his violence and manipulation has changed my mum, and made her into the wreck she is today. She wanted things to be better, for me to be loved and have a family that cared. She fed me all these lies. Told me that she hated my dad.

I felt safe, for once in my life someone in my family accepted me for me. They believed me and allowed me to talk. She gave me the space to open up and kept telling me how awful it was, and how horrible he is. She gave me something that I have never had. A belonging, a sense of family. An acceptance.

It was all a lie. She is still on his side. She needs him more than me, so she is dropping me. She does not care anymore.

Nothing like being kicked in the teeth.