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5 worst betrayals how did you work through them?
Posted 03 June 2008 - 04:29 AM
then i learnt that she'd suspected something for a while, and that my step dad had admitted to her when they first got together that he liked younger girls, and still thought it was ok for him to be alone with me...
i havent dealt with it... right now im just very angry with her.
Posted 06 June 2008 - 07:33 PM
Posted 14 June 2008 - 12:29 PM
Posted 07 July 2008 - 09:39 PM
my so called bf, W attepting to **** me, and then there's the worst of all being set up on date with a man that turned out to be a serial ****ist! :angry:/>
Posted 16 July 2008 - 05:00 PM
How did I get over it? I haven't yet. Still dealing with the pain.
Posted 31 July 2008 - 08:12 AM
- Telling my parents I was depressed, being told "well, maybe you should get out more" and "Mom's having a lot of problems right now, so you'll have to wait." They don't know about the abuse, but you'd think the response to "I'm depressed" is not "well, we don't have time right now."
Posted 31 July 2008 - 09:11 AM
2. Realizing my mother must have known. I am still working on this one.
3. Getting raped and humiliated by the priest who heard my 5th step. Getting into the Bible and coming to believe that God loves and accepts me as I am, lots of therapy, writing a book, filing a claim, speaking at the place I was assaulted.
4. Discovering my church knew the priest had been a serial rapist/abuser and still left me alone with him. Still working on it.
5. Wondering if I was set up. I will find out, if humanly possible.
Posted 08 November 2008 - 03:24 PM
He was like a brother to me, he was trusted in our house. I trusted him.
I feel sick knowing how he manipulated everyone in our family...
I don't want to say anymore about it.
My second worst betrayal was by my best friend at the time.
I had to pluck up so much courage to tell her, and she didn't believe me.
I automatically assumed she would of, I was in such a state of shock.
Then she spread rumors that I was " a whore who put out for anyone".
And that I lied, about everything.
She went to on to try and convince our school when we took exams, that I'd cheated.
Luckily she failed, but I can never forgive her for what she did.
My other betrayal that hit me on a religious level was that this "god" I had so much faith in put me through all this agony.
Was he "testing me"?
I don't know.
But I know I can't bring myself to believe anymore....
Posted 14 November 2008 - 01:20 PM
How did I work through it? I told on him a few years ago but nothing was really done,although he now shares an office with the principal and was taken off lunch monitor duty.
The second betrayal was by my then best friend.I had just moved into town in 97 and we became fast friends,or so I thought. She came from a very screwed up family.When I knew her she had 6 siblings the oldest a boy was in and out of jail for every charge under the sun,her older sister was promiscuous,she was I admit a bully she didn't treat me very well sometimes,her younger sister was in 6th grade and was always in trouble in school,the next youngest sister was in elementary school and had speech issues but had a mouth like a sailor and last a baby girl. All of the kids were not surprisingly very sexualized.I was 12 when A and I met,she was 11.I let her stay at my house a lot and I took her on family outings with me.I did everything I could to get her out of her house as often as possible.She repaid my kindness by 2 years later luring me over to her house after school and helping her Dad lure me into his van where he drove me into the next town and with her holding me down and egging him on he m*l*st*d me and threatened to r*p* me then told me he was planning on it but that they wanted to save some fun for the house for later.She bragged to me that she had planned the attack that she hated me and because I was such a little goody two shoes and because I was too nice.She wanted to teach me a lesson as to what happens to nice girls like me who trust too many people. She told her Dad to go as far as he wanted with me and she laughed in my face.
How did I work through this? I still haven't,I'm still trying to figure out how to work through it.
The 3rd betrayal was by the couple that I had grown up living next door to for 12 years of my life. K and his wife L were very close to me,they had 2 daughters C was born when I was 7 and S was born when I was 9. K and L both worked 12-14 hour shifts at the same company everyday but Sunday.As soon as C was born she was my responsibility after school until the early morning hours usually between midnight and 2 a.m. on Saturdays I had C all day :)/> when S was born I began caring for both girls everyday after school and on weekends,they were my girls as far as I was concerned.I loved those girls with every fiber of my being.I was young when I was taking care of them but that never mattered to K or L and it didn't matter to me either. Once I moved twenty minutes up the road when I was 12 I had C and S every weekend :)/> I did a lot of the raising of those 2 girls,they were my world. When I was 15 (a year after my attempted r*p* by my then best friend and her father) and C was 9 and S was almost 6 K and L asked me to come along on the family ski trip that winter.I agreed to go.Since I was close with both K and L I made the decision on the way up to VT in the car once the girls were asleep to tell K and L what happened to me I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I broke down and told them what my attacker had done to me.They both turned around and looked at me,they both very harshly told me "That's disgusting,you're disgusting.We never want to hear that kind of thing out of you again" they barely said 2 words to me the entire weekend ski trip. When we got back that Sunday K dropped off L and the girls at their house and as we were driving to my house he told me he was sorry for what had happened to me but that in talking with L that they had both decided that as of that moment I was no longer allowed to see C and S,that my weekend visits where they would stay with me were over. At 15 I had pretty much raised those girls for the first 9 years of C's life and the first 6 years of S's life those were my girls. After that K and L stopped attending the church that I attend as well with the girls.I didn't see the girls for 2 straight years. At 17 during one of my drivers ed lessons I drove with my instructor to K and L's house and I walked into their house just as I always had and I told K that I wanted about 10 minutes with the girls to say goodbye.He granted me that.The next time I saw them in person was this past summer.They barely said 2 words to me.L finally admitted to my family that I had raised her daughters in the beginning and that due to circumstances that I was no longer able to care for the girls. She made it sound like she felt bad that I hadn't been able to stay in the girl's lives when really it was her decision to force me out of C and S's lives!
I'm working through this now by the fact that I've been with another family for 7 almost 8 years now.I started working for Jill and Mason at 16 helping to raise the 3 girls M,P and C (P and C are identical twin girls) M was 5 at the time and P and C were 8 months.Mason passed away 3 years ago last Friday.Right before he passed away he asked me to promise him that if anything ever happened to him that I would step up for the girls.I agreed,seeing as how I had practically been raising them for the last 6 years anyway.So for the last 3 years when I'm home on break,vacations and other days where campus is closed I have been helping Jill to raise the girls,I've been the other parent in the house hold.I love my 3 girls more than anything in this world,I am working through the previous betrayal by being there for M,P and C as much as possible and by making them the focus.
This post has been edited by SurvivorThriver: 14 November 2008 - 01:23 PM
Posted 29 November 2008 - 06:53 PM
Well the first was the uncle in the family that abused me between the ages of 8-10. Never told a sole until a few years ago. Big Italian family, I didnt think they would believe me.
When I told, they(my mom and her other siblings) went to a counselor together to see if i was telling the truth!!!!
An aunt told my mom I should have kept my mouth shut instead of destroying the family. She says I did it on purpose..hmm..did uncle do it to me on pupose? w/e
I am believed by 2 other uncles, yet they all still talk to this uncle. My cousins all believe me, some told me secretly they had run ins, but made me swear to never say anything...they didnt want the problems I had.
This chester the molester uncle wanted to sue me! Said I would ruin his name...like he ruined my trust in family?
In the end, I have no trust for any of them. I have learned that I think my grandmother knew all along..as weird things were said about this uncle to my mother before gramma died. My mom still talks to this uncle too.
How I have dealt with it..well Im trying to get sober...Im an alcoholic and I dont have a whole lot to do with my mothers family.
btw..my grandma was abused by an uncle in Italy. He was a big time priest in their village. What he want he got. He wanted her and no one told him no. Whats wrong with people?!
Posted 30 November 2008 - 11:30 AM
Posted 30 November 2008 - 09:50 PM
My friend/former teacher for forcing me to press charges when i didn't want to, and when i refused, saying "I can't help you then." and never talked to me again.
My "best friend" S for hanging out with my rapist even after she knew what he did to me.
My mother for knowing for 2 years but never saying anything to me and leaving me alone to deal with everything.
My friend J for hurting me again and not respecting my wishes to stop. Even after i said no.
How did i work through these? well, some of them i haven't, and a few of them i've tried to forget about. One of them i got angry and wrote a letter and gave back a gift that was given to me. Immature, yes. Harsh, yes. But it's what i felt i needed to do at the time, and i was young. Looking back i don't really regret anything i said or did to these people. I am wiser because of it. And definitely more cautious with my friendships.
This post has been edited by MovingForward56: 01 December 2008 - 02:20 PM
Posted 20 December 2008 - 10:02 PM
I have many betrayals, first and for most is the fact my mother knew what was going on and she choose to turn a blinds eye. When my brother started doing it to people outside of my family and the police became involved she then informed all of us that it was wrong, and she walked away. But that didn't stop him....
Second, is my father who I know for a fact did to at least 3 of his children, he if I may was a pig of a person. He took things from me that I will never have again, and for a very long time he took my soul. I have no contact with any of my family now and that is great with me, I at lest don't have to worry about my children being there next victims.
Third, is my ex who does think I shouldn't stop my oldest child (his child) from seeing them, and he tells them things he has no right to do. He says the past in the past and I need to move on.
Fourth, is how society must punish the very people it is supposed to protect, the survivors and the ones they still called victims.
Fifth, is the justice system, and how when you turn to them they say it was your fault. This happened to me after years of abuse at the hands of my husband. I left the police station and made my plan to end my life because I believed it was my shame and I let him do it to me. But for the love I have for my children I wouldn't be here today.
Thank you for your time
This post has been edited by Eyeswideopen: 20 December 2008 - 10:17 PM