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Premeditation of r*pe? thoughts? poss *T*
Posted 17 April 2002 - 06:38 AM
Maybe he was standing guard? I hope not. I hope he was just being...I don't know...weird? It's just...too sick to think about.
Posted 17 April 2002 - 10:04 AM
I'm sorry that it sounds like your assault was. I understand what your feeling and I wish I could take away that pain. Sending you some ((((Hugs))))) across the miles.
Posted 17 April 2002 - 03:13 PM
You always start the most interesting threads that ask really pertinent questions about aspects of sexual abuse. Though I'm "not posting", I really couldn't resist this one.
I notice that other sisters are saying how scary it is that somebody premeditated hurting them in that way. Di, like you, it took me years to see.
I'd always believed that the night I was raped at nineteen, I'd made my ex so mad by refusing to go back into the relationship with him, that he decided just on the spur of the moment to get revenge by raping me.
After healing and the careful reassesment that can come with it, I can see that it was on the agenda all along. I firmly believe he came to my home that night planning to "have" me one way or the other. It was designed as "be mine or be raped"; those were my options.
It's my strong belief, too, that he was trying to impregnate me; always, in the relationship and even when he'd raped me before, he withdrew before ejaculation. This time he didn't, and he also wouldn't get off me afterwards, everytime I tried to get up for about a quarter of an hour, he just pressed himself against me further. It seems to me that he was attemting to ensure not only ongoing power in refusing to let me go, but to make sure his seed stayed where it was....sorry for the gross factor.
Yuck! Yes, it's scary, sisters, when I began to realize premeditation, it was like being slugged in the guts. Horrible. But it certainly put things in greater perspective for me. I found that didn't blame myself as much once I understood this (though nobody should anyhow).
Fuck those bastards.
Posted 18 April 2002 - 12:36 PM
extra hugs for you (((Louise)))
First let me say that I am honored to be the one to get you to "come back" temporatily. :smile:
I have to say that I am so sorry there are so many of us dealing with this but my gosh Louise has said some things that i believe are going to make such a difference in my life!!
To turn this around and put the blame even more on HIM is absolutely enlightening!! I NEVER would have thought of it that way I don't think and I am going to run with it. I am going to try and turn this disgustingly sick notion around and use it in my favor.
I am also going to run with something else you said. That this realization about premeditation can be a turning point in healing. I WANT that turning point! I want it desperately. I want to personally thank and hug each one of you who read and answered this thread. I was wondering if I was perhaps making something out of nothing (I swear I always think that of myself) but i know that it IS something.
It is something very EVIL and SICK and DISGUSTING. But, I am not alone and I am NOT TO BLAME!!!
I love you all. Thank you. And to Miss Lou, what in the world would we ever do without you?
I love you all so very much.
#7 Guest_Jasmine 8104_*
Posted 24 April 2002 - 05:48 PM
((((hugs)))) to everyone and thanks for talking about this, it helps.
Posted 20 June 2002 - 02:42 PM
My rapes have always been planned, i feel sick when i think about them knowing what they will do that day or evening.
And i never know when they do it again, dont they have other things to do, are they really happy by doing this.
Even when i was a little kid, they knew where i would walk after school, they knew what time school was out, they knew when i was home alone..
They raped me in my own bedroom when i was little, when my mum was out... So they always knew it..and it makes me feel sick..
Sorry if this was triggering..
Posted 27 June 2002 - 03:10 PM
Your support and the support of the others is much apreciated. You know, it never seizes to amaze me how some people can be so dang ignorant. And it breaks my heart.
Last night, I went and opened up to an older lady at my church wanting to seek counsel and prayer. She said the stupidest things to me. She said that something to the effect of, "you should pray and ask that God forgives you for whatever part you had to do with it, first...and then ask him to help you get over it." I just sat there stunned, and the walls came up. I regretted even going over there. Another counselor came in at that time, and came and sat with us, and the first lady told her what I was in there for, without even asking me if it was okay. I just wanted to die. Thankfully, the second counselor was sweet and understanding. She didn't even once indicated that I had anything to take blame for. See, I have a good church, and most of the people there are great. But then you have those few who are just plain stoooopid. It breaks my heart. She has no clue how this has hurt me...she kept asking, "am i helping you at all, hon?" I just looked at ahead and nodded. She was like, "i don't want you to leave here empty." :sad: Wow.
The other lady helped. She held my hand and reassured me as tears ran down my face. I couldn't even speak. She just prayed with me and told me Jesus loves me. She was nice.
It's so sad that we have to be put thru this blame over and over...people anylize this and that, without even having a clue.....
Posted 07 August 2002 - 08:14 PM
7 years ago when I was raped, I blamed myself for being so naive and trusting. For ignoring all the little warning bells that sang like sirens in my head. My rapist planned his attack a week in advance. He knew when my roommates would be out of town, he knew that I would be alone, and he banked on the fact that I considered him enough of a friend through a mutual acquiantance, so that when he offered to get together for an evening I wouldn't turn him down.
Hindsight is always 20/20 ... I recognize now the deliberateness of his actions, the smug sadistic smile pasted on his face as his control over me grew. It always amazes me to think back to that and remember how unaffected he was by me, as if I wasn't even a person. Without worth ... that is the only thing I can think to explain how he has made me feel. Inconsequential.
But that is what they do. As if by taking our value, they gain something through violence and creulty that they can't get anywhere else. If that isn't deliberate, I really don't know what is ...
Posted 17 April 2002 - 05:55 AM
Dealing with date r*pe, or in my case and attempted date r*pe, is difficult enough. But to think that the crime could have been premeditated is almot unbearable for me.
My therapy sessions have been difficult and intense but extremely helpful to me. We have uncovered a lot of different feelings and conclusions, most of which I have shared here. But the revelation discovered by my therapist this past Monday was petrifying. She feels that this attempted r*pe was planned. Premeditated. That he was predatory and almost stalked me.
He searched me out when I was alone in a room. I don't know if I would go as far as to call what he did there sexual assault (he pinned me down and licked my back) but it was certainly disgusting and sick. He was about to try and get my pants down when we were thankfully interupted.
That is when he said "let's go to the other party" and I really had no choice as he had me by the wrist. But I remember thinking "thank goodness, we won't be alone anymore". The thing is, the route we took to the party (which we never got to) was so out of the way. There was a door right next to the dorm room we were in but he took me way to the other side of the dorm and out the side door. This way, we HAD to go by his car. The other door would not have brought us near the car. He ended up forcing me into his car and trying to r*pe me both orally and vaginally. There would be no other reason to go the way we went unles he knew he was going to do this. He dragged me in the door that we should have gone out in the first place and I am sure was going to try again but we ran into some people we knew. He lied about where we had been of course.
When I saw his a few months later at another party, I was not there for 2 minutes when he came over to me. It was like a radar he had - Michelle's here so let the games begin. Who knows what would have happened if I had stayed at that party? I could only take it for 5 minutes and I had to leave.
I am really having trouble thinking he planned his attack. It makes me sick. Does anyone else out there feel that their r*pe was planned? I am not saying it is harder or easier to get over just that this is adding an extra layer to the ickiness that I already felt about the whole thing. How do I deal with this issue?
Maybe it doesn't mean anything. Oh gosh, I hope that this post didn't hurt or offend anyone.
Confused once again, maybe THAT should be my nickname,
Posted 17 April 2002 - 06:42 AM
ugh no more
Michelle....you know that i love you...you are very special to me and i am here if you need anything. plese take care sweetie