Pandora's Aquarium: Wow.....it's been awhile... :p - Pandora's Aquarium

Hey everyone! I guess I'm kind of at a loss for words...I've been gone for so long. I'm actually at one of my two jobs now. I don't have computer priveldges at home anymore. About a month ago I went to the movie's with my ex's best friend. I had a great time, but my parents weren't happy. I just feel stuck now. I don't have my cell either. These jobs are my life. And therapy. I guess therapy isn't helping me as much as I thought. All she keeps telling me, is that I can't continue victimizing myself if I want to move on. So I guess forgetting it ever happened is better...? To top that off, she's against medication, so I'm not on the stuff my first doc gave me (that actually helped me), and I feel like I'm dead inside. I can't listen to the music thats helped me, and I have no one to turn to...I just feel that even though I'm still making slow progress with therapy, even though it's religious, God alone can't help me get through this. I just...don't want to feel anything anymore.

I realize I'm writing a lot but, I'm not sure when I can get back on again...I guess I just need one question answered, for anyone who has read this far- If my parents, and my therapist, want the best for me, then why am I trapped in their bubble of not being able to dress the way I want, or be the person I think I'm becoming?

I have an image, of who I want to be, and what I wish to look like, but no one's OK wih it except for me. What bothers me is that I'll just look like any other teenager. Yes, I do have jobs, but I already know to dress appropriately for them. I just, want to experiment. Is that so bad???