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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
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I'm a complete failure. I have fallen behind in every single bill of my household over the past few months. Received a forclosure notice on my home, I'm hiding from creditors, I lapsed on my car insurance & stealing mail from my mailbox to snag stuff before my husband finds it.
I've stooped to new lows and it hurts me so badly that I would go backwards to this immature, head in the sand stance with my problems.
All of it came to a head when Dave received a call from the Mortgage company on his cell phone. While he was yelling at me about that, our insurance agent called him to notify him of the lapse.
The only way to fix the problem was to empty my 401K to pay everything current. He was even furious I did that.
I just feel like no matter what I would have done it would have been wrong, and it put me back in that place when I was 22 years old, telling my mother that i was financially in over my head.
After our argument, I apologized and explained I was just scared and paniced to tell him about it, then it got so huge I didn't know how.
He was surprisingly ok with everything, especially since we have a plan to fix it.
Once it was all over and done.... I went into our bedroom, locked the door. I took a large leather belt, folded it over and beat my legs until they are now swollen and black and blue. I vaguely remember doing it, but not fully.
I have to admit, it's much worse than what I had originally thought, as the bruising is kicking in.
Just what have I done?????? I feel so stupid and immature. Why am I all of a sudden regressing? i feel like I'm going absolutely insane. I just can't take any more of this.
The thought of ending it all has crossed my mind... but I couldn't leave my family with the financial mess I've created for them.
I'm just such a screw up and failure. I can't do anything right and if I try to fix it It just begins to snowball and get worse and worse and worse and worse.
I'm just a useless piece of shit that can't handle menial home responsabilities.
I've stooped to new lows and it hurts me so badly that I would go backwards to this immature, head in the sand stance with my problems.
All of it came to a head when Dave received a call from the Mortgage company on his cell phone. While he was yelling at me about that, our insurance agent called him to notify him of the lapse.
The only way to fix the problem was to empty my 401K to pay everything current. He was even furious I did that.
I just feel like no matter what I would have done it would have been wrong, and it put me back in that place when I was 22 years old, telling my mother that i was financially in over my head.
After our argument, I apologized and explained I was just scared and paniced to tell him about it, then it got so huge I didn't know how.
He was surprisingly ok with everything, especially since we have a plan to fix it.
Once it was all over and done.... I went into our bedroom, locked the door. I took a large leather belt, folded it over and beat my legs until they are now swollen and black and blue. I vaguely remember doing it, but not fully.
I have to admit, it's much worse than what I had originally thought, as the bruising is kicking in.
Just what have I done?????? I feel so stupid and immature. Why am I all of a sudden regressing? i feel like I'm going absolutely insane. I just can't take any more of this.
The thought of ending it all has crossed my mind... but I couldn't leave my family with the financial mess I've created for them.
I'm just such a screw up and failure. I can't do anything right and if I try to fix it It just begins to snowball and get worse and worse and worse and worse.
I'm just a useless piece of shit that can't handle menial home responsabilities.
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I had to file for bankruptcy shortly after I started therapy, and I felt just like you. I couldn't handle anything, including the bills. Everything got so far behind, the only way out was to file. And I had already gone down that road before. So, I can relate to you because I felt just like you are feeling.
My husband never forgave me, even though I kept him totally off of any of the financial stuff in my bankruptcy. And that just made me feel worse.
And, in fact, I also started to SI again, after years of not doing that to myself.
I know this sounds so easy for me to say, but I hope you can not be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you are doing the best you can. I hope that it will get easier for you to be able to handle all of the stuff of life that is sometimes so hard to deal with. I hope you can be gentle with yourself.
Hugs, if ok.