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I have been roughing it these last few days....

Posted by nikki9320 , 25 June 2013 · 104 views

My head has gone to some very dark places...I have been sucked back into this vortex...I have no idea what to do with it... I am just so very tired of going from one extreme to the other...just when I feel like I can make it beyond this nightmare, something always pulls me right back in...I feel a little crazy right now...I am angry, lashing out at those I love...what the hell is wrong with me?...why do I feel this way?...I have cried until my eyes couldn't cry anymore...I hate this...Today, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror because I hated seeing my weakness...I feel like I am imploding, all the while no one can see the cracks in my veneer...I was on my way home from work and I drove past the open field...brought back so many memories of what he did to me on that field...drove past the apartment complex where he tortured me for so many months...I could feel my breathing change...I am so tired of being so angry...I want to be free and I don't know how...I am hurting so much...I am tired of walking around with these invisible scars...I feel like a broken window today... :bawling: :nose:

I also felt like that yesterday where I was just so SUPER ANGRY, I felt like I needed closure. But I became more angry as I realized that I will never get closure and this makes me MAD :tear:

July 2016

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