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Want to cry, but can't...

Posted by LostWolf , in Venting 10 April 2012 · 91 views

Just want to cry. And of course, I can't. I never could very well. Too well trained not to. Can't cry outside, and it hurts more to cry inside, but that's all I can do...

Freaking Poser won't render well for me. Can't run Studio, so don't have that option to try, either. No outlets, can't go to the gym, can't go for a run, certainly not from a wheelchair. Can't concentrate well enough to write properly.

No outlets. I have no outlets to get this shit out and this pent-up-on-the-edge thing needs to go AWAY. It won't without tears, and tears are one thing that I just can't do.

So. Damn. Frustrated. So. Damned. ANGRY! I hate them. I hate them SO much right now. I hate ME right now. I hate everything right now, and that isn't me. I miss me. I don't recognize my own face anymore when I look in the mirror. I don't recognize anything. I'm living in a fog, like I'm lost, and I can't see anything, like I'm going around in a daze.

I'm alive, sure. But that doesn't mean I've survived. I don't feel like I've survived. I feel like I'm a walking dead, like there's nothing left of me. Everything of me got left on the ground back in January and I can't find the pieces anymore...

I just want to cry.

I am sorry for what has happened to you. I read some of your poetry. You are very good and I hope you will submit for publishing.

I fell last year and broke my ankle in four places and my arm. Of course this does not even compare to your injuries, it is just I understand the frustration of being in a wheelchair. I was confined to bed or wheelchair for 5 months. When I was finally given the okay to walk with a walking cast I wanted to take that damn wheelchair and set it on fire. I still have pain and swelling in the ankle. Working up your stamina takes lots of patience and more.

Hang in there, all this will not last forever.

Take good care of you.
I've never really considered publishing the poetry. I don't really see it as good enough for that, honestly.

"This too shall pass."

I've told myself that phrase so many times... but sometimes it just doesn't hold water.

May 2015

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