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She didn't even listen

Posted by wildnfree , 03 November 2013 · 112 views

Really upset with my mom right now. Some of my dad's relatives are coming in town, so we're making major changes at my house to get ready. My mom invited some people to help out. I didn't mind (less work for us), but I almost left the house b/c she invited a cousin that repeatedly molested me when I was younger. Like WTF??
I've had numerous conversations with my parents telling them I am not comfortable  around family members that abused me. But it falls on closed ears. She got upset when I refused to be in a room alone with him. I'm so ticked!! I guess my cousin sensed I was uneasy since he didn't stay long. I'm so glad my dad told him to leave! 
Ugh, I'm tired of holding in my pain and putting a smile on my face like nothing's wrong to appease my family and act like nothing happened. I refuse to do it anymore. Lookin forward to the day I can move out and be away from the abuse and memories. 

I have just signed up & this was the first blog I stumbled upon, I have been sat here waiting to be approved to the site so I can reply to you.


I am in a totally different situation to you, but in a way yours is much worse. Your mother is subjecting you to that man without a seconds thought.


My mother has the same attitude over my attack. Lets brush it under the carpet, lets not talk about it, it means it didnt happen.


I wonder if they do it because they feel guilt.

Nov 04 2013 12:20 PM

I think so. Guilt, shame and denial are to keep the picture they have of a stable family.... although the picture has been shattered.  Denial makes them feel better or numbs them. I would rather be like a bird and fly, than be caged up. Quote: I know why the caged bird sings, he wants to be free.  

The only way for us to be free is by facing the truth. I think this is true for secondary survivors as well. Free from denial, or pretending, and lying to themselves. Take gentle care.





Nearly all of the family members in cases of hidden child sexual abuse and incest, are psychologically dysfunctional, so their responses will be too.   Many hope to silence the victim with their denial.

Those who do not respond at all, are protecting themselves from the truth. People don’t like to see, or hear the truth, that threatens the system of what they have created as “good.”



If an abuser, or the mother who protected the abuser, does not admit anything, it often means they are unwilling to face their own shame.


Marilyn Van Derbur, “Denial is a given in incest families.”


December 2014

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