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Just sick of it

Posted by Carleen , 27 August 2010 · 100 views

It's official. I'm over it. Not that IT. Just the whole package. I'm sick of how it effects me every day of my life. I would like to have just one day when I didn't jump at noises, where I could let my kids snuggle up to me until they wanted to get up instead of me saying enough, where what happened to me didn't resonate through my whole being. I just want one day of being normal.

I know all this is still very new really. I know that healing is a journey. But I really am just sick of it. I am sick of reminding myself that there is no just getting over it, I have to work my way through it. The whole thing is I never know if what I am doing is making even the tiniest bit of difference. I do know I am making progress, I can feel it. But it just isn't enough.

Most of all I am just so damn sick of myself. I am sick of having to remind myself that the world won't end if I don't study for ten hours a day, keep the house perfect and do a thousand things for a hundred people. The only people I have to worry about are me and the kids but sometimes that is even too much. I am sick of the tiny nagging voice that tells me I have to do more, be more. The voice is quieter than it was before but it is still there.

This is totally pointless and I have no idea why I even bothered.

I am sick of it, too. I wish things could be normal, too. Hugs if okay :hug: :hug:

July 2016

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