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I usually dread the holidays but...

Posted by writer2010 , 09 May 2013 · 24 views

...I seem a bit 'calmer' since I HATE overthinking it. Usually I would be all freaking out when the holidays come because of HIM who shows up and with Mother's Day, ugh! I told my T this last week and she mentioned that with me in finals weeks, that I kind of already have an 'excuse' not to do anything. Also, my mom said to me this past week on my bday night which made me cry because it just irritated and pissed me off was that I "put her in this position." My mom brought up my dad and brother and I got mad and she almost tried to make me feel 'guilty' by saying that "I can never bring your brother around here because I have no idea what you will do to him" and then went on to say (once again, 'defending' my dad and him) that the week after my grandpa died, my dad came somewhat charging towards the front door at me at my mom's house since a.)I arrived home from school, sick out of mind because of the way my dad was acting when my grandpa-his dad-passed so it was all stressed, and I see my brother was here with the front door wide opened. b.)I stayed in my car, accidentally parked behind my dad's car, and was going to wait until they left but then thought to myself "I live here. Not them. I'm sick so going inside to sleep." c.)after I walked in, my brother of course kept quiet as he collected his mail and told him that he should start picking up his mail in the mail box and he did not even 'argue' back or anything. I then planned to stay in my bedroom until d.)I walked out and as my brother was leaving, I told him that I would appreciate if him and dad would drop of my stuff that was still at dad's and to stop making it seem like I am lying about it. Then, next thing I notice as my brother stopped and was saying that he and my dad could not find any of my other stuff, I hear a door slam and then see my dad who is yelling, "Shut up" to me.

What still gets me until this day is how my brother actually 'moved' my dad away from the front door as I shut and locked it in time. So, it HURTS when my mom said once again on my bday night that she does not know who to 'believe' since my DAD and HIM said something else to her about that day. So, I go on and tell her that I am NOT trying to prove anything but just setting the facts. I seriously wish my family was NORMAL and still ponder why both my dad and brother, the two men who were supposed to protect me, HURT ME THE MOST.

I am sorry to say your mother is not doing so well either with you. My heart breaks for you (((Susanna))). The betrayal you must feel is extreme. You are so brave to be speaking to any of them. What a strong survivor you are. You are protecting yourself and that is a good thing.

Take good care of you. :hug: :hug: :hug:

April 2014

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