I went a whole year with out hurting myself again and Monday night I totally blew it. I have wanted to cut my lip again but I have always resisted. Well Monday I was driving back home from Milwaukee and a song came on on my ipod. It was I Hate Everything About you by Three Days Grace. I started thinking about Casey the man who sexually assaulted me and then I started thinking about the rape and I started to get pulled into the dark feelings. For some reason it just felt right and the next thing I knew I scratched the inside of my lips with my finger nails. At first I stopped myself but then song kept repeating and I started scratching more and more. I started bleeding everywhere and I couldn't stop. I put on the playlist that I have for whenever I get upset which I haven't used in months and I start shredding the inside of my lips and just digging my nails into the inside of my bottom lip trying to cause as much pain as possible. I did this for the full hour drive home and by the end my mouth, finger, and chin where covered/caked in blood. When I got home I cleaned off as best as I could and after walking through the front door I ran upstairs and washed everything off. I hate that I SIed again and my lip hurts so much. I can't even eat food or drink out of straw with out pain. The last few days my lips have been swollen and I keep tasting blood from the cuts getting reopen. I'm going to try not to SI anymore this was my one weak moment but surprisingly once it was done I was walking around relaxed and fine. It was just that I needed to let a little steam out and now everything is back to normal. I will just have to remember that next time I need to let a little steam out to not cut my lip.