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Living in two worlds simultaneously

Posted by Orchid , 19 June 2013 · 72 views

O.k. I've been through I think most of the stages addressing sexual abuse and health several times........I went through the blocking, the facing, the coping, the changing my life, suppressing/denying, improving............over and over and over.

In the past couple of years I added outside of the western box healing methods to the standard methods of healing..........So basically I started with standard western healing areas of counseling, art therapy, group therapy, massage, medical doctors, etc. Then I added other ways to heal through shamanism, Naturopathic Dr.'s, workshops, .......you know a little outide of the box methods. I figured if I was going to do this, I would go all out, and try almost everything available.

I thought I had most everything under control and was at a place that I could cope and function. I never believed I could be "healed" speaking in the terms of corrective health. I've always thought I would learn to manage my issues, adapt to life, and have enough coping skills that I could function at a high level in the daily world.

However just recently with deeper work, life stressors, triggers, and anything else you want to throw in, my thinking has become cloudy/fogging, slowed down processing, memory lapses of what I did yesterday or five minutes ago. Kind of like constantly walking into a room and wondering why I did so, but also like having this weird awareness hours, days, or months later that I did something but my recollection of doing it isn't there.

I've also had an increase in impaired judgement, and insight. Just functioning by choosing paths that give immediate emotional need.

At the very same time I have this inkling of something deep within that is propelling me to the next phase at getting to something more.........

Is there anyone out there that has sort of blanked out, and yet at the same time had a realization that you are moving to the next phase? It's like living in two worlds simultaneously. I'm having a hard time explaining this.

Thanks!

Orchid



Just realised I may have answered a different question rather than the one you asked. Sorry :(

I've had that too - a sense of life being under control and yet waiting for something else to happen. I really hate that as I sort of want to know what it is and deal with it already. So annoying!
Thanks Susanna for your reply. I've had a few tough days, but know that life is up and down, and up and down.
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bluebutterfly
Jun 30 2013 03:18 PM
Orchid, I relate very much to your description of your healing journey. I've also been through the phases of blocking, coping and changing over and over. I've tried everything in my healing process--therapy, meditation, poetry, painting, somatic coaching, reading--and every piece has been important. As a survivor who is actively healing, I think I have to be creative and experimental and always follow my intuition. What works for me one day may not work the next day. I have many days where I minimize what happened and just deal with the day to day. Other times, I am actively facing what happened and finding ways to express my deep grief and anger. I think I need both ways of being--sometimes I just need to manage my life and feel normal. Other times, I do need to really let myself feel the weight of what happened--even if for a while I can't handle my life as well.

I don't think this answers your question, but just wanted to let you know I relate to your post and I am rooting you for on your journey. It sounds like you have a great deal of strength and also insight into your own process.

much light to you,
blue butterfly
Thank You blue butterfly. I think you described this yo-yo, up-down, back-forth, balance, journey perfectly. I'm working hard at finding one core path. I just changed counselors after a very long time. I need to find the authentic person, and then display/live that life. The hard part is exactly what you said.....what works today or yesterday, may not work tomorrow so it's constant change when stability is really what I need the most. Thanks for letting me know you can relate.

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