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hard session....

Posted by missophelia , 26 March 2013 · 93 views

Extremely hard. I don't really talk face to face with anyone about my SI'ing. Dr K was glad I brought it up today though.

It was very hard. Talking about a wide range of emotions, why I do it, the negatives, the positives. Why I did it this past week.

It is such a private thing for me. She asked to see my wounds, and I didn't want to show her, but I did.

The only good part of it, besides being able to talk about it, as strange as that sounds given the fact that it was so hard and that I don't like talking about it, the only good part of it is that Dr K reacted the way I was hoping she would. She didn't yell, or scold, she wasn't judgmental. She was gentle with me, which I needed.

We did focus more on the negatives, moreso, I think, because she wants me to remember the negatives next time, before I SI.

I'm not sure how I feel about everything we talked about, I need some time to process it all. The only real problem I have is that she wants me to throw my tool away. And I don't know if I can do that.

And what's to keep me from buying a new one....

Today has not been wonderful. But I do feel a sense of relief, or something like it. Maybe sharing what I did with Dr K today will be helpful? Maybe it will help me get my head straight again where SI is concerned, because between my anger, and my depression and anxiety, and all of the emotions I'm feeling surrounding my SI'ing, my relapse into SI has been hard, and right now I'm not feeling like I want to get straight and stop.

Miss, you are worth this effort. Keep trying ;)
Mar 26 2013 03:36 PM

thank you. I will try :)
Mar 27 2013 05:14 AM

Thank you. I think that's what Dr K meant. It would take effort to go and buy another tool. And it might make it easier for me to think before I did anything. I haven't thrown it away yet. Hard to explain, but it feels like a security blanket.

Anyway, I am trying. And thanks for all you say, and for being proud of me.

Lots of love!! :hug: :hug: :hug:

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

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