Pandora's Aquarium: Try to stay strong thru all that's going on - Pandora's Aquarium

Well I'm trying to stay strong even tho my law suit isn't going very well. I'm suing my dead molesters estate, his wife is my fathers sister whom we are in business with. She's got most of the extended family believing that I've made up this whole story. What would I have to gain? Most of my family doesn't speak to me, that's not what I wanted to happen. I wanted to get the pressure off my chest, it was like an elephant sitting on me and I couldn't breathe. It's been almost 5 yrs since he lost his long long long battle with pancreatic cancer. Karma! I don't believe in god, I'm not a religious person but boy someone was looking over and made him pay the ultimate sacrifice! I always had to pretend everything was fine when I had to be around them, seeing we've got this family business I didn't really have a choice. I didn't finish college, I barely started, 2 semesters in and I quit, they always knocked my confidence and self esteem down the drain. They told me I had to either work full time for the family business or quit. I met my husband at this time, I was 19 yrs old. I wanted to spend time with him but I also needed a job so I quit college. I've always regretted it, I always wonder what my life would be like if I continued studying criminal justice? Anyways back on tract, I got a copy of an email from 9/2008 that was written to my great uncle from my fathers sisters lawyer (I hate to say my aunt!", this letter was informing Bob (the uncle) that he's been trying to contact Barbara to discuss my law suit against her dead husbands estate. Barbara will not take his calls, the email went on to tell Bob that I have the suit in the amount of $6.1 million (crazy ass $$, my lawyer pulled that amount out of his ass). The lawyer went on to say that Barbara needs to contact him because this issue will not go away and it's going to be long and expensive. He went on to tell Bob details of my suit, is that legal seeing it hadnt been made public yet? Barbara soon fired that lawyer only to hire another that ended up quitting seeing he wasn't getting paid, now she's going to represent herself. Good! Go right ahead! This women is my blood relative and she's suppose to protect her family not put them in harms way and stab them in the back. She knew what her husband was doing but she refused to do anything about it except deny it. What kind of F'd up family is this? I'd never turn my back on any of my family, she never had kids, I was the only niece, I was screwed over by all of them. I'm continuing to get screwed over by all of them 30+ yrs later. I'm on my 2nd lawyer seeing my first one screwed up (it seemed like the thing to do to me), he didn't file in time with superior court. "My case got forgotten about" he told me and my husband to see a new lawyer because he committed malpractice. Barbara now is counter suing me because she's claiming I destroyed her quality of life, her quality of life? What about all the crap I carried around with me for 25 years? What about the fact I've got no family anymore? Why is the family taking her side and not believing me? I sometimes wish I had told before he died so he could've faced a judge, other times I think and remember that if I had talked my dad or husband would've blown his brains out! I was protecting my dad and husband but on the other hand I was defending him. I made bad choices in my life, I did a lot of things I wish I hadn't done and I'll regret that stuff forever! Something's I can't speak about, especially to my husband who's also my best friend, the love of my life and the glue that holds me together!
I don't know what to do about this law suit... Do I drop it? Will all the pain go away? Will my life be normal? I think all the answers are NO, NO and NO but I don't know! Anyone with advice please help!