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I think the last time was in 2009. And then, one month ago.
I didn't do it for the same reason I did it the other times. Something didn't come over me - something came over me other times when I created websites, blogs, whatever, in the months before. But one month ago, it was just plain cash. I've been out of work since March now... I'm out of it. I didn't want to do it but I did it. It paid the rent. I rationalized it.
Now, I'm thinking about doing it again because I'm a hundred dollars shy from no longer being able to pay the groceries. Just before starting this post I was emailing another ex client. I didn't click send. Fuck it. Come on Pandy's.
Here I am.
To talk to me, I guess.
So it isn't easy, but you'll find some other way.
I'm scared though.
Anxiety through the roof. Broke down at my doctor's office today when he pointed out I'd written my name wrong on a form.
Like I'm breaking apart from me.
Oh God, let me be like the birds that you feed...