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don't know what to think...

Posted by missophelia , 08 September 2013 · 97 views

I don't know what to think.

The lyme disease has left me feeling horrible, to put it mildly. I have almost no energy, I am so extremely exhausted. I have aches and pains like having the flu. Headache, chills, sweats. My stomach has been off.

I am on medication for the lyme's, and because it is the only thing I can take, and because it has lactose (which I am extremely allergic to), I am taking Lactaid pills, in hopes that I don't end up in total horrible stomach pain. I have to take this medication for 2 whole weeks.

And, as sick as I feel physically, today I can just feel this underlying depression. Like, it is just lurking there, below the surface. Being sick with lyme's hasn't taken it away.

The past few days I've been so utterly exhausted, that I haven't really felt my depression. I haven't really felt much of anything else. I haven't had any energy for anything else. I haven't felt the urges to SI. Or the anxiety. In a way, it's been nice.

But yesterday afternoon and this morning, I have actually had a couple of hours off and on, where I have had some energy, and not felt so sick otherwise. Then all the symptoms come screaming back at me.

I guess what I'm saying is that, since yesterday afternoon, on those occasions where I haven't felt that bad, I have at the same time felt the depression creeping back in. So, I don't know what to think.

If I stay sick with lyme disease symptoms, I won't feel the depression. If I get better, I just know I will. Part of me doesn't really care. Part of me is scared to get better physically, because then all of the emotional stuff is going to come back.

Sep 08 2013 06:16 PM
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm short on words right now, but wanted to let you know I read this. :hug: :hug: :hug:

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