My mother, my friend, my enemy
The very first bond a child has is with his/her mother. After all they are created in and share the same body for 9 months. What other bond could be stronger or closer? What should be and what is in reality can be very different.
Is my mother toxic? Yes. Is my mother selfish? More so she is narcissistic. Can my mother be cruel and mean? Yes she can. Is my mother abusive? Yes she has been physically and emotionally abusive while growing up and still can be emotionally abusive now. Do I like my mother? Not so much. But do I love her? Yes she is my mother.
Since my dad died she says the strangest things to me and most of it is just too much information.
The other night she told me she was 'quite fond of me'. Nice to know.
One time she told me that she cannot watch any TV programs when there were obese people in the program. Disturbing and I guess it is a good thing that I am not a movie star.
Another time she told me that she thought it was filthy and gross to French kiss. Hmmmm awkward!!
I haven't told her yet that I finally have been approved for disability. I did call her that day with that intent but she pissed me off. Her lower back was hurting her so I asked if she had made an appointment to get another cortisone shot. No she hadn't cuz with my house payment and electricity she just can't afford it. Then in the very next breath she tells me she had landscapers come over and replace a couple sprinkler heads as they were not working properly in manner that states in her mind, at least, is a priority.
She has no friends and wants no friends. BUT she likes speaking my dad's friends, one of which dad made him promise to check on her. Oh lucky him?
I have told my daughter that my mother is now just realizing she is reaping what she has sown. Her newest thing lately is that 'everyone' is calling her old even God forbid me her own daughter Really? :dohdoh:/>/> She is 78. And who is everybody?
She is now feeling the lonliness that she herself has created. She has 2 daughters, 5 grandsons and 1 granddaughter. Of these only one daughter (me) visits her, and one grandson and one & only granddaughter visit her and help her out or even calls her.
She calls no one not even me. We all are 'suppose to' call her.
Three of her grandsons have birthdays in July (one is my son) and the day before my son's birthday she told me to say hi to him cuz she forgot about his birthday but my two nephews got birthday cards from her. This is not the first time she has done this with my son. Although he is not a movie star he has ADD, short term memory loss and an ED so is obese.
My son lives in North Carolina working and going to college and he did call her on her birthday.
My sister lives about 600 miles away and in the 20 years I have lived near my parents she has been at their house maybe 5 times.
I don't feel sorry for her cuz much that is bothering her right now she did to her self. Yet I have no desire to rub her face in the bare truth cuz I won't lower myself to her level.
There is a price to pay for being related to her. Not too many willing to pay it. And perhaps I won't have to pay such a high price when I tell her next week and take the burden off of her to pay my mortgage and am able to repay her monthly for her doing her DUTY AS A MOTHER (she thinks helping is her duty and has told me that).
I am still the fixer in my family. :tear:/> I don't know how to not be the fixer.
Blessings to all