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Afraid to post?


Guest tkb

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Hey so we're still a very large and active forum. If you want to make an account you'll find that there is still lots of support available and lots of new posts every day.

Maybe the key, for you, is to stop waiting for people to approach you and instead get yourself to a place where you feel able to approach others?

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Guest Ayaa123

@WinterRosie I wish that was the case. But it's easier said than done. I was bullied for all my childhood. My entire class bullied me for six years in primary school which made my self esteem so very low that by the time I entered high school the situation somewhat continued with self isolation. My home life wasn't great during that time aswell so I had no one to turn to. Even my teachers didn't care.

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  • 9 months later...
Guest The unpost

I feel hesitant to post because I fear seeing it in print.  During my journey of healing I posted on FB that I was raped.  It cost me a lot.  Then few months later my husband posted on FB the guy’s face and name.  From there for about 6 months quite randomly I would post that this man raped me.  The reason I did is because I feel it someone before me spoke up, maybe this wouldn’t have happened to me and I could not live with myself knowing the role I played for the women in our community.  I lost over 30 “friends”.  The man who raped me was a 23y veteran police officer, neighbor, married, friend, “all American dad”.  Blew up in my face.  
a year and few months after I posted “I was raped.” I was served a lawsuit towards me and my husband for liable and emotional distress.  His stance is I had no right to post I was raped since no rape occurred.  His story is I attempted to rape him that night.  

The betrayal is so mind blowing.  

I got a settlement letter from his lawyers...

he will drop his lawsuit asking for over $25,000 damages if the following are done:

1) we pay $79,000 for his legal fees

2) I go to 5 psych evals 

3) husband goes to 5 psych evals 

4) we go to 5 counseling sessions together 

5) all social media posts referencing to my rape are to be taken down 

6) I post a public apology 

“one life to live is my motto”.  I haven’t posted thus far out of denial it is all real.  Out of fear of facing it.  Out of mere inability to face it.  The cost of this situation is more than I make in a year so far.  Got a year to go.  We are to do mediation by Feb or trial proceeds 7/28/21.  If I had money, I wish for trial.  

I am being judged for having a reaction to his behaviors.  I am being punished for it.  His legal assault brought me to my knees in despair.  I rose up, dusted off and say “bring it on”.  I am counter suing for assault, twice he did, rape, physical injuries (every neck bone is broken now, constant pain), emotional distress and intentional infliction of emotional distress.  I feel sick earning money from being hurt.  I lost 13 months of income tho.  Had to do physical therapy... MRI... so, that can be compensated for sure.  

I don’t post because I know there are others out there worse off than me.  I always flash to women sold by their parents sent off to be sex slaves.  I am doing ok relative.  

I have PTSD and cPTSD from being strangled, sexual assault, neglect, child abuse, fires, and earthquake.  This man told me one night at a neighborhood get together that he had a question for me. I rarely talked to him so it peeked my curiosity and his enthusiasm was electric.  He got me aside but public, and said “what is your PTSD from?”  I listed everything above but neglect and child abuse. An hour later we were checking on our kids about ready to enter my home, he quickly put his hands out to my face and passionately kissed me.  I felt like I detached and took a back seat to my life. Two weeks later I tried to tell him I wasn’t interested and his hands came to my face again and I was triggered.   Both times he gripped my hair tightly and forced my head back making loud popping sounds down my spine.  It hurt bad.  The night down ward spiraled.  Some how we were in my hallway... and next thing I know his hands were on my hips and I was being raped.  

when I posted on FB I never checked the messages.  They were like a cry for help.  I needed to unload the pain.  The pain was so deep and dark I felt like a part of me was dying.  I cut myself on occasion... hung a noose... it’s been a dark journey.  Luckily, I had people in my life that kept me on the path of healthy.  I do have a psychology team of doctors and take meds.   Can’t imagine the journey without them.  

lucky for me, my husband didn’t leave me when I tried hard to divorce him  for the following few months after rape   I was losing my mind   I was looking up psychosis   Took me a good 2 months to recognize I said no to what was going on twice   “Nothing is going to happen” initially, and as it progressed “no penetration”   Our kids were in next room   My eldest could have seen it   I think he did   When I told my 6y and 8y boys (at the time, 2y ago) someone hurt me, my eldest asked if it was “him”   In horror I immediately lied and said it happened at work and they don’t know who it was   Now he knows the truth and doesn’t remember the name he said   I don’t want to coach him thru it   

I avoid posting also because without intending to insult, I don’t see the way I will gain from it   The above is tip of ice berg and I struggle with trust   I did EDMR in 2015 to discover my inner child is about 8y... my memory that came back was my mentally disturbed 2y older brother chasing me with knives and slamming my head against brick walls   One memory was me calling 911, and when officers came they always told me nothing they could do   Then, my oblivious drunk mother would beat me and then lock me in closet or bathroom for hours   I also regained memory of when my dad snapped and strangled me when I was 16y old   I was acting out because I was sexually assaulted   He did not know    

to know my greatest weakness was used against me for the pleasure of a predator is sickening to me   Makes me not want to leave my house   Ironically, I can’t be inside my home for durations of time (besides sleeping) and live outside... I don’t tend to leave my house   Even before the madness   

I don’t post because I am tired of it all   I wish I could block it all out and go on my merry way   I tend to black out my life’s traumas... literally as if they didn’t exist   Never thought being 17y and first time ever home alone (with bro) when a major earthquake hit 5 miles away was a trauma.  It felt like “life as usual”.     My town was a war zone and highschool condemned   I discovered it was the root of my decades of insomnia and restless leg syndrome... I was getting ready to pounce   The mine is fascinating   

I pathologically don’t check emails   If I see “his” name, I get a powerful systemic response   My husband mediates the legal stuff   I am too raw to handle it   

maybe I felt too raw to post?  I encountered incredible amount of loss   People literally turned their backs to me after my post   My neighbor across the street gave me a look like I had gone crazy, and never talked to me again   We had a black mark on us   We found out our friends   Our friends lost friends because they know us   

I wish the world I live in supported victims and protect them   Instead my community shunned me and stepped back keeping things superficial   Humanity is sick   I see why women don’t come forward   The secondary trauma is horrendous   It almost took me down all by it self   I have always done good   My career is the “art of healing and caring”    I refuse to allow myself to say “why me?”
I don’t post because I don’t want to take when I am not ready to give. 

I wish for a money tree or a way to raise money.  This law suit is destroying us financially, especially after being off work for over a year.  It adds tremendous stress.  

I wish for public support.  

if I don’t win this, I don’t know what I will do.  

I freeze a lot. Emotionally.  I feel often stuck.  

thank you for listening 

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It sounds like you've been through a really rough time.  I'm glad you have a good therapy team and a good lawyer to help you navigate the real world issues

  Here we can tell you that you aren't alone in the experiences and that yippy can and will survive the darkness you are facing right now.  I've been in a place similar to yours and I came out the other side.  Keep posting and talking

With compassion

Patricia

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Guest Scared

My husband is printing out the novel of which is our legal reply to the fact the man who raped me is suing me for emotional distress.  It’s all too real.  My mind wants to hide    Posting makes it real.  

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  • 1 year later...
Guest guest

hello. i want to say thank you for posting this because, just like a lot of these other people have said in their replies, I definitely resonate with your post. i just found this site today and i would like to do SOMETHING to begin a kind of healing process , something profound and inspiring and deeply healing, but not only do i i not know where to begin with any of it, i also struggle with severe depression so it’s hard to see the point of anything. it feels like most everything i do is entirely pointless, stupid, meaningless, etc. even just writing this very post. i would like to see myself in a better overall state of mind, but it seems like it’s not going to happen. i would like to also share my story because it has specific elements that i would appreciate validation on and/or advice/resources/tips on healing when it was this certain situation. but i am hesitant to post because i don’t know if anyone will see it, if i will say it in a way that is too extreme or is wrong, if i will get any responses, if i will be secretly judged or anything else.. definitely overthink most everything to the extreme. so again, thank you for welcoming me upon visiting here for the first time. 

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5 hours ago, Guest guest said:

hello. i want to say thank you for posting this because, just like a lot of these other people have said in their replies, I definitely resonate with your post. i just found this site today and i would like to do SOMETHING to begin a kind of healing process , something profound and inspiring and deeply healing, but not only do i i not know where to begin with any of it, i also struggle with severe depression so it’s hard to see the point of anything. it feels like most everything i do is entirely pointless, stupid, meaningless, etc. even just writing this very post. i would like to see myself in a better overall state of mind, but it seems like it’s not going to happen. i would like to also share my story because it has specific elements that i would appreciate validation on and/or advice/resources/tips on healing when it was this certain situation. but i am hesitant to post because i don’t know if anyone will see it, if i will say it in a way that is too extreme or is wrong, if i will get any responses, if i will be secretly judged or anything else.. definitely overthink most everything to the extreme. so again, thank you for welcoming me upon visiting here for the first time. 

You deserve support and care very much, I hope you join the site fully, you will then be able to see more forums and hopefully you can write your story but even reading about others can be helpful too. Sending so much care and support to you.

Lou :metoyou:

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  • 3 months later...

Hi,

Thank you for this post... I have just joined the forum as it was recommended by my therapist, but also didn't know where to start.  "Afraid to post?" Yes! 

It's comforting to know so many have felt the same through all of the responses too! Thank you for offering a way in! 💜

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6 minutes ago, Guest Naomi said:

Hi,

Thank you for this post... I have just joined the forum as it was recommended by my therapist, but also didn't know where to start.  "Afraid to post?" Yes! 

It's comforting to know so many have felt the same through all of the responses too! Thank you for offering a way in! 💜

Welcome to Pandys, it can feel overwhelming to post anything at the beginning, you’ve made a good start, if you make an account here rather than sign in as a guest you can make a short hello post in the introduce yourself forum if you would like to but do feel free to browse too. Take care 

Lou :metoyou:

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Hi @Lou21,

Thank you for your reply - I have already signed up, but am waiting for approval.   Is there anything else I need to do, please?

Thank you!

Naomi

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2 minutes ago, Guest Naomi said:

Hi @Lou21,

Thank you for your reply - I have already signed up, but am waiting for approval.   Is there anything else I need to do, please?

Thank you!

Naomi

That’s good! When did you sign up? I’m not sure how long approval takes but I can find out. :)

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Hi @Lou21,

Apologies - I can only seem to reply to my own posts, not yours!  (Think maybe I'm missing a trick somewhere!)

I only signed up on Wednesday or Thursday last week, so not too long ago! Thank you so much for your help! 🙏🏼

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13 minutes ago, Guest Naomi said:

Hi @Lou21,

Apologies - I can only seem to reply to my own posts, not yours!  (Think maybe I'm missing a trick somewhere!)

I only signed up on Wednesday or Thursday last week, so not too long ago! Thank you so much for your help! 🙏🏼

No worries at all, as long as you tag me I’ll see it,  I’ll find out how long approval normally takes and get back to you. :)

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1 hour ago, Guest Naomi said:

Hi @Lou21,

Thank you for your reply - I have already signed up, but am waiting for approval.   Is there anything else I need to do, please?

Thank you!

Naomi

I’ve spoken to a board moderator and they are checking what’s going on, you should be approved soon. :)

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Thank you @Lou21!  I've been approved! :hi5:

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1 hour ago, Lou21 said:

@NaomiR, great news, welcome to Pandys :metoyou:

Thank you so much for your help!  (Also figured out how to reply directly!) 

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