I'm not feeling well today. It seems like I'm in this pit of depression and it's getting worse by the day. I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else besides my therapist and I only see her once a week. She says I need to have more balance in my life and I agree. I'm still looking for a job, but I don't know who will hire me after not working for so long. Thoughts of hurting myself are more constant. Days like this I wish I had a different brain. The psych ward sounds comforting right now but I don't know if I need to go. I would never kill myself, simply because I don't know what happens when people die and I wouldn't want to leave everyone who cares about me...the thoughts are present though. I'm just in this mental anguish that no one around me seems to feel or understand. It's physically painful. Maybe this is because I haven't been taking my anti-depressant. I forget sometimes, but I ran out completely and I don't have any money right now to get it filled. It's been a month/month and a half. I normally have this undertone of sadness/depression even when I'm having fun and feeling some type of joy...this isn't like that. It's consuming me. I don't see my therapist until Wednesday, so I don't know what to do.