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My mom and I got into an argument earlier about this. She thinks it's a gimmik and that I shouldn't go for it. She said something along the lines of her never taking chances. I immediately thought that's why you're nothing. Which is really mean and I didn't say those exact words, but I did say something like "I don't want to be nothing." I said that "you have to take chances. You have to take risks if you ever want to get anywhere in life. Yes, sometimes you will get burned but there will also be rewards. Nothing is just going to fall into your lap. You have to face challanges, take risks, and go for life...if you want to have any chance of being satisfied with yours."
My mom doesn't get that. She'd rather be safe. She would rather stay unsatisfied with her life and do/get nothing as long as she's safe. I really do believe that it's better to take risks. I want to believe that life is worth the risk but she makes me doubt myself. If I don't believe life is worth the risk, then what the hell am I still doing here? Why am I fighting?
It makes me so angry that she's like this because I don't want to be like her. I want to take chances and not be afraid to live. And I realized that the reason I was so angry with her for being this way is because she's making me this way. She keeps me afraid. Everytime I want to do something she trys to talk me out of it because it might not be safe. And I'm angry that she's so afraid of life that she wants to make me this way too.
I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to not be her. I constantly doubt myself because that's the way she raised me. I sometimes wonder if I'm making the right decisions or if I'm just doing or not doing something because of her. I don't know how to be who I want to be.
My mom doesn't get that. She'd rather be safe. She would rather stay unsatisfied with her life and do/get nothing as long as she's safe. I really do believe that it's better to take risks. I want to believe that life is worth the risk but she makes me doubt myself. If I don't believe life is worth the risk, then what the hell am I still doing here? Why am I fighting?
It makes me so angry that she's like this because I don't want to be like her. I want to take chances and not be afraid to live. And I realized that the reason I was so angry with her for being this way is because she's making me this way. She keeps me afraid. Everytime I want to do something she trys to talk me out of it because it might not be safe. And I'm angry that she's so afraid of life that she wants to make me this way too.
I don't know how to stop it. I don't know how to not be her. I constantly doubt myself because that's the way she raised me. I sometimes wonder if I'm making the right decisions or if I'm just doing or not doing something because of her. I don't know how to be who I want to be.
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I am not censoring anything I say in this blog so please be careful when you read it.
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Is it better to be safe?
on Oct 23 2012 10:08 PM
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You have to take chances, all safe is protecting what you have, whats the point in doin that if theres more that you want?!
Have you ever heard that song by kelly clarkson? thats what it reminds me of but just keep fighting and keep doing what you have been doing!! Whats in your heart and whats in your intentions will prevail. As far as aski her for advice, ever on anything, your never gonna get the kind of support your looking for. She will always give you the 'safe' answer on any subject and that will most likely never change. My mom is just. like. that. I think of what she would say before I make any decisions because she's so reliant on me that I am so afraid of doing something to hurt her, but ever since I told her about the abuse I have not asked her for one peice of advice and I promise that you will most likely never hear of me askin for her opinion ever again. The less I hear what she would say about stuff, the less my mind will play it in my head when I'm makin decisions.
Your not letting anything keep you afraid. It's not about not being afraid but how much your doing to fight it, and then one day all your doubting will be gone I know it will.
Your strong just have faith and it will all work out!!