Jump to content


Emotional Deprivation Disorder

Posted by bellachai , 15 April 2014 · 701 views

I ran across an article titled this.  I never heard of this disorder.  Something to think about and I would guess if it is a real disorder then many here at Pandys including myself would have it. 
There is not much research on emotional abuse or touch deprivation yet many scientist believe it is the worst form of abuse.  These scars no one can see.  If you are physically or sexually abused those scars can be seen on or in the body.  To survivors living life becomes very painful and that pain stays.  The brain, the heart and soul of survivors are damaged which no one detects either.  All abuse I believe comes with emotional abuse.
What I read stated that some of the children that were emotionally abuse and affection deprived developed health issues later in life or died really young.  How sad if  this is true. 
Survivors as adults can crave touch and others will shun touch.
This is interesting to me as I had a conversation with my daughter not too long ago about affection and touch.  I have always been an affectionate person with those I love and care about.  I recognize it is due to the lack of affection from my emotionally distant mother and father as well as the CSAs from the evil stepfather and abusive natures of my mother. 
There use to be stickers on the back of cars that said "Have you hugged your child today?  I hugged me children everyday and told them I loved them  When they were small I carried them often  I rocked them to sleep.  They sat next me close while I read them books.  I touched my children in healthy loving and caring ways.  I somehow instinctively knew this is what I lacked as a child.
After I was date raped I changed a little.  Between the ages of 16 and 18 I was very promiscuous looking for affection.  The sex was payment for being held and touched.  I married so young at 19.  The father of my children may have been irresponsible, cheated on me and told many lies but he was affectionate.  Most of our marriage I felted loved.  Then I woke up one day and knew our marriage was based on how much sex I gave him and the freedom to do whatever he wanted that did not include me.
I told my daughter it is painful to me now that she is with her boyfriend that she never touches me anymore.  She does not hug me anymore and actually since my breakdown no one hugs me anymore.  Once more I am affection deprived.  Now that my health has failed I will never experience true affection and touch again.  I will never know in this lifetime what it is like to be truly loved by a man.
Fortunately for me I have an affectionate dog.  Ellie hugs me and kisses my face.
Blessing to all.
My daughter apologized but nothing has changed she still does not touch me.

Bellachai, thank you so very much for sharing this. Like you, I was not touched apart from by my abuser as a child. Like you, I subconsciously knew that my children needed safe touch. Both still come for 'mummy cuddles' now, and they are 16 and 17. I have not yet had the pain of a child entering a relationship and not needing mummy cuddles anymore. Thanks to you, I am now aware that it might hurt me. So thank you for having such courage and writing about your experience and feelings. I am going to research emotional deprivation disorder. I've never heard of it either!


Apr 19 2014 10:20 AM

I would not give up on this. It sounds like you have resigned yourself to this but I don't think you have to. I think you need to keep the conversation with your daughter going about this.  Oftentimes an issue needs to be revisited rather than be a one off conversation, because it's easy to kind of forget about it again if it's only mentioned once. So, keep reminding her.  If you don't bring it up again she won't be thinking about it at all. hug.gif

Thank you (((Untangling))) for your wise and good advice.  A couple of days after I posted this she has been spending more time with me instead of just going to her room.  She has even kissed my cheek on two occasions.  Progress :)

Apr 26 2014 04:34 PM

That is wonderful! Keep asking for what you need, that's how these things work. Very happy for you :)

July 2016

2425 26 27282930

Recent Entries

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.