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I was beaten badly and r*ped several years ago and I thought I was "over it" but had some health problems last year and had to go through several medical tests and the whole thing was really triggering, it brought up a lot of buried bad memories of the r*pe and I started having nightmares again. I don't think you ever really "get over it".
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"Get Over It" A "responses" thread for "wonderful threads"
#32
Posted 02 September 2003 - 07:39 PM
My best friend asked why do you hate them so much?
I said just to touch the surface they violated my space they pinned me onto the ground the did things that i did not want done to me .
People can be so dumb sometimes
#33
Posted 09 January 2007 - 02:49 PM
I was told to "get over it, what's the big deal...so some guy stuck his d**k in you when you didn't want him to. You're living in the past and letting it control your present and future." I tried to explain to him that saying get over it and doing it are two entirely different things but I fear that until or unless some guy sticks his d**k in him, he'll never truly understand.
#34
- Tiwhiri Taonga
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Posted 09 January 2007 - 02:56 PM
Wow. Hadn't seen this thread before.
Its an interesting read.
When someone told me I needed to "get over it" I just quietly said, "its not like that" but they didn't get it.
My mum constantly tells me to put it in the past and move on. But how can I do that when my past is in front of my every day?
I am going to try those responses next time I'm feeling sassy touhg.
Its an interesting read.
When someone told me I needed to "get over it" I just quietly said, "its not like that" but they didn't get it.
My mum constantly tells me to put it in the past and move on. But how can I do that when my past is in front of my every day?
I am going to try those responses next time I'm feeling sassy touhg.
#35 Guest_Circe_*
Posted 09 January 2007 - 05:47 PM
Although my family do not know the details of my abuse, they have on occasion chosen to ignore me and cut me off when I have broached the subject.
Recently, my sister tried this one on me:
"You don't have to talk about it anymore. That's the past and we're not going to talk about him anymore. Just move on."
(My reply was rather measly):
"Don't tell ME what I can and can't talk about."
Recently, my sister tried this one on me:
"You don't have to talk about it anymore. That's the past and we're not going to talk about him anymore. Just move on."
(My reply was rather measly):
"Don't tell ME what I can and can't talk about."
#36
Posted 25 February 2007 - 08:21 AM
i just wanted to pop in and say i'm sorry to everyone who's been told these stupid and ridiculous things. i rarely share my story because i'd rather not hear them.... i suppose the silence is just as bad, isn't it.....
#37
Posted 25 February 2007 - 12:54 PM
funny how life unfolds, isn't it. just after i say that i rarely hear shit about my rapes and my past....
i've been thinking about getting a tattoo to commemorate 1) a year of not smoking and 2) another step in my healing
so i asked some friends to look at some pictures of lotus flowers to help me choose which one to use as a tattoo - after looking at the site AfterSilence and seeing the words about lotus flowers.... anyway
i said if i had a lotus flower i could explain to people why i have it because people ask and i think my past is a huge part of who i am
my friend tells me "are you sure that's a good idea? you might one day not want to tell people you're a survivor and be 'normal' "
:tear:/>
i've been thinking about getting a tattoo to commemorate 1) a year of not smoking and 2) another step in my healing
so i asked some friends to look at some pictures of lotus flowers to help me choose which one to use as a tattoo - after looking at the site AfterSilence and seeing the words about lotus flowers.... anyway
i said if i had a lotus flower i could explain to people why i have it because people ask and i think my past is a huge part of who i am
my friend tells me "are you sure that's a good idea? you might one day not want to tell people you're a survivor and be 'normal' "
:tear:/>
#38
Posted 25 February 2007 - 04:45 PM
This is so weird...me and my girlfriend had a fight about this a couple of months ago. She herself is a survivor...she has chosen to just put it all behind her. Thankfully she doesn't suffer from PTSD or flashbacks like I do.
However this is what happened:
She said, "It happened a while ago. I don't know why you can't just move on."
I said, "I'm sorry I'm not you."
She said, "I never said you were. I'm just tired of sharing you with your past."
I said, "Listen I'm glad for you that you are not affected with it as much as I am...but you have to understand that I just can't forget about it and move on...because if I could...don't you think I would have by now?? Plus my past is a part of me...so if you want to be with me than you are going to have to accept all of me...or just leave...it's your choice."
Needless to say she shut up real fast and has never brought up the subject again.
However this is what happened:
She said, "It happened a while ago. I don't know why you can't just move on."
I said, "I'm sorry I'm not you."
She said, "I never said you were. I'm just tired of sharing you with your past."
I said, "Listen I'm glad for you that you are not affected with it as much as I am...but you have to understand that I just can't forget about it and move on...because if I could...don't you think I would have by now?? Plus my past is a part of me...so if you want to be with me than you are going to have to accept all of me...or just leave...it's your choice."
Needless to say she shut up real fast and has never brought up the subject again.
#39
- I will not destroy myself for your happiness.
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Posted 26 February 2007 - 12:26 PM
I think the closest I had someone say "get over it" was when my ex-MIL said, "Nobody really wants to hear your story anyway."
If her intent was to shut me up, she did a good job for a while. I didn't talk about being SA'd again until after I divorced her son... and yes I do partially blame her for the breakup of our marriage.
Last summer she said something to the extent of "You're not the only one things have happened to." It was like she still had to get her screws in - I wanted to say to her, "Why don't YOU get over whatever YOUR thing is with me already?"
Even my ex has a better attitude towards me these days... he also is more on my side about protecting our daughter from my family of origin, though he's still kind of spineless about it. When I asked him if they treated him and my daughter okay at Christmas he began running down who was there and who wasn't... I was like okay, enough. I should have told him you know, they aren't my family anymore, and I don't care who's there or not. I only care that you guys aren't being treated like crap when you escort our daughter to visits with them.
Fortunately I've had my husband there to provide some leverage in the whole thing. He's validated everything I've done to stand up for myself and the pain I'm going through... yesterday I told him I wish I was more healed and that this was all more behind me and I'm sorry I'm so broken, and he said you know what? I knew about all this when I married you and I chose you anyway, and I still love you.
Makes me ALMOST not care about having to clean up after him or how bad he is with money...
If her intent was to shut me up, she did a good job for a while. I didn't talk about being SA'd again until after I divorced her son... and yes I do partially blame her for the breakup of our marriage.
Last summer she said something to the extent of "You're not the only one things have happened to." It was like she still had to get her screws in - I wanted to say to her, "Why don't YOU get over whatever YOUR thing is with me already?"
Even my ex has a better attitude towards me these days... he also is more on my side about protecting our daughter from my family of origin, though he's still kind of spineless about it. When I asked him if they treated him and my daughter okay at Christmas he began running down who was there and who wasn't... I was like okay, enough. I should have told him you know, they aren't my family anymore, and I don't care who's there or not. I only care that you guys aren't being treated like crap when you escort our daughter to visits with them.
Fortunately I've had my husband there to provide some leverage in the whole thing. He's validated everything I've done to stand up for myself and the pain I'm going through... yesterday I told him I wish I was more healed and that this was all more behind me and I'm sorry I'm so broken, and he said you know what? I knew about all this when I married you and I chose you anyway, and I still love you.
Makes me ALMOST not care about having to clean up after him or how bad he is with money...
#40
Posted 26 February 2007 - 11:26 PM
I get frustrated when people say, "aren't you over that now?...you're over that now right?"..it's mostly been guys.
they dont understand............
me or other survivors.
they don't realize that I (or most survivors) develop PTSD!!! It took me a long time to realize that I have this....I remember being diagnosed with PTSD right after my r***, but later on thought it just went away.....when in reality it definitely didn't. I was going through life not even realizing that I STILL HAD ptsd! I just felt very abnormal and I still do.
I try to explain to these guys and people that what happened to me I will never ever get completely over...that there will ALWAYS be some amount/degree of pain...that what happened to me permanently changed me as a person...that I lost a part of myself that I will never get back...
following my assault i began to slowly piece my life back together......only to realize 4 years later that there will always be pieces of myself still missing....that i will never be able to find or get back ever again.
that i will always live with some degree of guilty, shame, pain, sense of betrayal, lack of self-confidence, humility, and distrust....i feel HE took some of my happiness and joy, as well...i dont seem to smile or laugh as much i used to...
i have to explain to these "get over it" guys/people that it will always come back to me, sometimes when i least expect it......sure maybe i feel a little better, but at other times i dont.......being removed from the situation makes the pain fade more, but often the PTSD makes it come right back, just when u Did indeed think you were all better........
at one point, i did try to put everything behind me...thats called blocking it out...and as most survivors know, it usually comes back to haunt you when u least expect it, and blocking it out is probably your mind protecting yourself until you are ready to begin the journey of healing, and it might even be something that causes u not to heal..........
just a vent
starry
they dont understand............
me or other survivors.
they don't realize that I (or most survivors) develop PTSD!!! It took me a long time to realize that I have this....I remember being diagnosed with PTSD right after my r***, but later on thought it just went away.....when in reality it definitely didn't. I was going through life not even realizing that I STILL HAD ptsd! I just felt very abnormal and I still do.
I try to explain to these guys and people that what happened to me I will never ever get completely over...that there will ALWAYS be some amount/degree of pain...that what happened to me permanently changed me as a person...that I lost a part of myself that I will never get back...
following my assault i began to slowly piece my life back together......only to realize 4 years later that there will always be pieces of myself still missing....that i will never be able to find or get back ever again.
that i will always live with some degree of guilty, shame, pain, sense of betrayal, lack of self-confidence, humility, and distrust....i feel HE took some of my happiness and joy, as well...i dont seem to smile or laugh as much i used to...
i have to explain to these "get over it" guys/people that it will always come back to me, sometimes when i least expect it......sure maybe i feel a little better, but at other times i dont.......being removed from the situation makes the pain fade more, but often the PTSD makes it come right back, just when u Did indeed think you were all better........
at one point, i did try to put everything behind me...thats called blocking it out...and as most survivors know, it usually comes back to haunt you when u least expect it, and blocking it out is probably your mind protecting yourself until you are ready to begin the journey of healing, and it might even be something that causes u not to heal..........
just a vent
starry
This post has been edited by starry: 26 February 2007 - 11:28 PM
#41
Posted 04 March 2007 - 04:11 PM
Ill tell you what makes me even more mad...I tell myself all the time to just get over and get on. So, I can hardly blame other people who may not understand this kind of mixed-up humiliation that we feel.
#42
- Trying, as best as I know how
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Posted 04 March 2007 - 06:21 PM
Something that struck me so much when I read it a year ago that I wrote it down:
" 'Snap out of it', 'put it behind you', 'forget about it' -- words of advice I heard many times from those closest to me -- hardly seem reasonable requests. Indeed, these pleas are especially painful because they come with love. To a rape survivor, nothing is more desired or more impossible than forgetting." -- Nancy Venable Raine, from “After Silence: Rape & My Journey Back”
(Bold is mine. A sentence that I have used as a response in the past to someone telling me to "just get over it".)
survivor
" 'Snap out of it', 'put it behind you', 'forget about it' -- words of advice I heard many times from those closest to me -- hardly seem reasonable requests. Indeed, these pleas are especially painful because they come with love. To a rape survivor, nothing is more desired or more impossible than forgetting." -- Nancy Venable Raine, from “After Silence: Rape & My Journey Back”
(Bold is mine. A sentence that I have used as a response in the past to someone telling me to "just get over it".)
survivor
This post has been edited by survivor: 04 March 2007 - 06:22 PM
#43
Posted 08 March 2007 - 05:12 AM
"Get Over It" those 3 words make me sick. My ex-husband used to say it all the time. If people only knew the how traumatizing being sexually abused is. I used to tell him that when he knew exactly what I was going through (literally) then I would take his words into consideration.
#44
Posted 23 June 2007 - 08:10 PM
i've heard the get over it but in i guess different context my mother says its not that important and i shouldn't talk about it to other family members because i wouldn't want to take away any support that my bro in law needs right now because he is sick would i?
i have tried to get over it, to forget to stuff it away but its like this to me if someone said that directly, would be saying oh sure i'll be glad to get over it, what a unique and challenging point of view i mean gosh i've never thought of that before wow! i'm cured thank you so much. now i'd like to offer a piece of advice to you, see that woodchipper over there go run your soul through that and get over it!
i have tried to get over it, to forget to stuff it away but its like this to me if someone said that directly, would be saying oh sure i'll be glad to get over it, what a unique and challenging point of view i mean gosh i've never thought of that before wow! i'm cured thank you so much. now i'd like to offer a piece of advice to you, see that woodchipper over there go run your soul through that and get over it!
#45
Posted 24 June 2007 - 11:10 AM
Some of us think this way on our own. Not everyone has a group of people out there telling them to get over it - it's not always them against us. Sometimes we ourselves say It's time to get over this and mvoe on. Isn't that part of this "Healing" everyone keeps talking about?
I don't talk about it out in the world so that no one knows and can bring it up. I don't talk about it online because I don't want to get trapped in a cycle of poor me. So I guess I tell myself on a daily basis, just get over it. And sometimes it works. And sometimes . . . it doesn't.
I don't talk about it out in the world so that no one knows and can bring it up. I don't talk about it online because I don't want to get trapped in a cycle of poor me. So I guess I tell myself on a daily basis, just get over it. And sometimes it works. And sometimes . . . it doesn't.
