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My Story - in my own words

Posted by datweet , in My Story 24 March 2014 · 77 views

I am 31 years old.
I experienced trauma as a child and it has tainted many areas of my adult life.
I was sexually abused.
I was sexually abused by four perpetrators: 
My older brother, two male cousins, and a female family friend.
The abuse began when I was 2, almost 3 years old.
10 years.
10 years I endured, and then it ended in a violent rape.
I was raped when I was 12.
I thought I was pregnant.
I didn't know how to tell, I was just a child.
I hoped I was so that the "secret" could be revealed.
And I hoped that I wasn't.
9 months passed.
I was without child.
The "secret" continued.
At age 12, I thought, "I will have to live with this for the rest of my life".
I became very suicidal and those suicidal tendencies continue today.
 
When I was 13, I mustered up the courage to inform my dad about the abuse.
When I came to it, I told him very little.
When I was 18, I had a "trigger reaction" with my boyfriend at the time and came to tell my dad.
Once again, I disclosed very little information.
When I was 24, my virginity was a conversational piece over a meal amongst family friends.
I voiced my anger to my dad once again.
 
At the age of 26, I underwent a traumatic experience and attended counseling.
I determined enough was enough, and chose to "face my giants", "knock em dead"
After many......
Terrifying nights,
Suicidal attempts,
Drunken episodes,
Drug desires, and
Thoughts of experimenting with casual sex and same-sex relations,
 
I decided to live life and try to be functional in it.
I'm doing my best to do just that.



I couldn't help but to comment after I finished reading, mainly as I was reading many similarities between both our stories. Sexual abuse by more then one person, a violent rape at the age of 12. This post is not about me, instead about you. I want you to know you aren't alone- I read your words, I felt them reverberate through me. I love your last statement- your choice to live, your choice to function- you doing your best. Who dares to ask for more? I don't know what else to say, so I guess that's my cue to stop typing.

 

Take care, you're in my thoughts tonight.

Della

I am very sorry for all that you have been through.  It took a great deal of courage to tell what you did your father and to share it here.  Your father and your family should have been there to protect you. I am sorry they did not do that.  I hope that you find this to be a safe and supportive place during your journey.

 

I think you made a good decision to live life. 

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shelliebelle
Mar 24 2014 09:33 AM

there are many similarities between your story and mine and my heart really does go out to you.  i think it was so brave of you to try and tell what was happening to you so many times.  i'm just really sorry that it was met with such resistance and lack of action.  you should have been better protected by your family.  i'm so very sorry for the pain you endured but i hope you will continue to heal and always remember that you are such a strong survivor!

 

sending you lots and lots of good thoughts.

Thank you....

Thank you, so very much....

For your comments.

 

It was my hope that someone might identify with my story, but I didn't believe it.  For those who saw similarities to their own stories.....I believe now.  I didn't think it would bring hope to me, but your statements have.  Its such a relief to know that I'm not alone in this....not alone...not at all.

 

So, thank you....

I can never thank you enough....

Only to encourage you that you are brave and strong too, in however you are managing and coping with your suffering....

It has taken me a while to be able to "voice" my story, especially type it here.....but when you're ready, you'll know it, and you can do the same.

 

Truly grateful,

datweet

while reading i wanted to cry i didn't under go the things you went through but felt them while reading.you are a very strong person to write what you went through and every blessed by the master. continue posting the courageous things you are posting. GOD go with you.

Once again, ranesha, you are so awesome and I am blessed to know you here as a friend.  Its a blessing to know you "felt" the words I wrote.  That means a lot to me.  It takes so much out of me when i write, but its a blessing to readers.  I am encouraged by you and will continue to write courageously.  You've inspired me to write more and more.  A God-send. 

 

Thank you. Thank you so very much. God bless you as well.

December 2014

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