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The most shocking thing to me after this all happened was the lack of belief and the loss of support.
Because of what happened, I had already lost a lot of my friends, but to have people that weren't even involved say "you were drunk so it couldn't have been r*pe" is just disturbing.
To be taunted and called a sl*t at school by the majority of the football team and even some girls feels awful.
I don't understand why there's such a huge social stigma against r*pe, and why it's so hard for some people to believe that someone they know could have done it.
I did not "lie because I had regrets about it in the morning", I didn't go to the police to "prove to my boyfriend that I hadn't cheated". I stood up for myself and tried to tell the truth about what happened to someone who could do a lot more than I could about it.
But here I am; no justice legally, at a hostile school environment, and with lasting emotional damage. At the same time all that were involved get to continue life as usual with little more than a slap on the wrist. It makes me sick to my stomach.
I believed in myself in the beginning, and I've been silent for almost 6 months now after being told by a detective that from the evidence he had gathered it appeared that it was consensual. While that broke my spirits for a while, I think I'm ready to (slowly, but surely!) gain my confidence back.
Pandy's is a good start because people understand what it's like here. Support from friends is nice but sometimes I just really need to talk to someone who can relate.
I'm excited about this daily journal and re-recognizing my voice through this forum.
~elise
Because of what happened, I had already lost a lot of my friends, but to have people that weren't even involved say "you were drunk so it couldn't have been r*pe" is just disturbing.
To be taunted and called a sl*t at school by the majority of the football team and even some girls feels awful.
I don't understand why there's such a huge social stigma against r*pe, and why it's so hard for some people to believe that someone they know could have done it.
I did not "lie because I had regrets about it in the morning", I didn't go to the police to "prove to my boyfriend that I hadn't cheated". I stood up for myself and tried to tell the truth about what happened to someone who could do a lot more than I could about it.
But here I am; no justice legally, at a hostile school environment, and with lasting emotional damage. At the same time all that were involved get to continue life as usual with little more than a slap on the wrist. It makes me sick to my stomach.
I believed in myself in the beginning, and I've been silent for almost 6 months now after being told by a detective that from the evidence he had gathered it appeared that it was consensual. While that broke my spirits for a while, I think I'm ready to (slowly, but surely!) gain my confidence back.
Pandy's is a good start because people understand what it's like here. Support from friends is nice but sometimes I just really need to talk to someone who can relate.
I'm excited about this daily journal and re-recognizing my voice through this forum.
~elise
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It's called secondary wounding to disbelieve, disparage or blame a victim. It's more than disturbing to claim that inebriation implies consent, it's harmful. It is outright ignorant of the fact that it is impossible for an inebriated person to consent. Consent means informed consent, and a really drunk person is not enough in charge of their faculties to grant informed consent.
I'm sorry you're being harmed through ignorance. There is no excuse for cruelty, but the younger, the more ignorant. I don't intend this to be mean, but just trying to say that the peers who are causing you pain are clueless.
I'm glad you're here, and so very pleased that like many of us, find comfort in being understood.
Take gentle care of you.
-Fury