Back from the Care Center
Through a combination of my own insisting and a safety plan with my Advocate I voluntarily admitted myself to the Psychiatric Care Center at the hospital. I felt so out of control with everything that was going on. I couldn't think properly, and I was so depressed.
I was very pleasantly surprised as how well things went while I was there. They're big on self-awareness and being gentle with everyone's individual circumstances. I didn't even realize how much in crisis I was when I went until the next day. Now looking back I feel like I was in a constant state of crisis for the previous few weeks.
I finally got to see a psychiatrist, got some much needed meds, and talked to a proper counselor. More importantly, I got a diagnosis. I feel like that's such an important part, because everything makes so much sense now. I can look at something I do and understand why, instead of feeling crazy or wondering what the heck was going on with me.
I was diagnosed with chronic PTSD and DID. I wasn't in shock when I heard that, more like in huge relief. I think it just fit so well, and the counselor provided me with so much information, the more I read the more everything made sense. I'm so grateful for everything they did for me there.
So, I'm back home now. The transition from the hospital to home has been difficult. It's not a controlled environment, and I struggle with daily triggers still. I feel like I'm more well prepared now to handle things, though. I think I've settled into a little bit of a routine, but things aren't where I'd like them.
There's so much more now to deal with than before. The diagnosis made me less able to minimize the severity of what happened to me as a child. That's something I need to aknowledge.
I'm just so happy I went and got some much needed help! Before I was so discouraged from no one wanting to help, but now I have the help I need and feel optomistic.