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did it again :'(

Posted by tamz , 08 May 2010 · 85 views

Why do little things trigger me so much? Little things like someone not replying to a text? Little things like the guy in work, making stupid comments about r***. He doesn't know what i've been through, it's not his fault he doesn't understand real r***. Or some little child in youth group making comments to a friend about oh maybe you've been badly arse r****. Why do people have to be so insensitive with their comments?!
I wish I wasn't so damn sensitive at the moment. Little things that normally wouldn't bother me, make me want to do something so drastic.

I did it again. I don't know why. I feel like there is no one i can talk to when I get like this. I feel so alone. I tried calling someone, to talk things through, but he cut me off. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I have no sense of purpose in life. I keep flitting between feeling numb and feeling upset. But mostly, I just feel numb. I wish there was some way out of this. But how can I get out when I don't even know what's making me like this? I wish I had someone to understand me, although would that even help? I'm not sure it would help, it's just one more person to judge me.

I wish I had an answer for you. Some days its exactly what you describe and others its me being insensitive and saying stupid things. I think the culture to be tough just perpetuates the harsh language and crude remarks and we don't think before we speak. We think its harmless like an"ur mom joke" then later you find out their mom is dead and you feel like an ass. The only way to get people to respect your feelings is to let them know you have them, "excuse me sir I don't appreciate that comment would you please refrain in my presence?" My Christian friends always make it known when someone cusses around them that its against their religion and that they would appreciate it if they would stop. Kill em with kindness and a lot of the time they'll listen. Some will always be an ass for the sake of being an ass, but most will respect your request or at least apologise. But you'll never know until you ask.

Just my 2 cents. Take care.
Only way out is through, unfortunately :( . I hear you, though, some people should have their mouths sewn shut. Amazing how insensitive and stupid some people can be when r' is the subject, I have so many examples myself but I bet you don't want to hear them.

Hugs if okay.

content warning

I will try to keep any reference to specific SI behaviour to a minimum however reference to the assault will not always be censored. I don't want to trigger anyone so just want you to be warned. Most of the time it will be okay but just so you are aware. Take gentle care.

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