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I was raped by my now EX Husband and it took a lot for me to tell my therapist about what happened his response 'you need to get out more'.That was the only time we ever spoke about what i went through.
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Top 10 Stupidest Comments
#542
Posted 18 May 2010 - 01:42 AM
Wow, these comments are ridiculous. And part of the reason we really need more education on topics such as sexual abuse. You wouldn't think some things need to be spelled out, but apparently they do....
One of the worst I've gotten was in response to telling someone about oral r*pe. Their response:
"Someone can't be orally r*ped, can't you just bite down or close your mouth or something?"
Um, pretty sure if that was an option, I would have done that instead of, you know, being abused. Idiot.
One of the worst I've gotten was in response to telling someone about oral r*pe. Their response:
"Someone can't be orally r*ped, can't you just bite down or close your mouth or something?"
Um, pretty sure if that was an option, I would have done that instead of, you know, being abused. Idiot.
#543
Posted 18 May 2010 - 02:35 AM
I finally had to tell that I had been gang rapes and the youth group leader that took me home looked at me and said things are going to be really different now ! Like how in the hell would he know I have lived with this since I was 5, rape was nothing new to me. Thats all he said to me not if I was ok nothing kust that things were going to be different. This was the same couple who spread the rumors that I wss lying Ijust wanted attention they literally said (the youth group leaders) Why would anyone rape her ! OH sure I was the unpopular chunky kid why would anyone hurt me as I write this it still hurts no wonder I would have rathered kept my mouth shut !!! its so sad
#544
- Group: Member
- Posts: 777
- Joined: 03-June 08
Posted 18 May 2010 - 05:31 PM
I've heard my share of stupid things since getting involved in survivor advocacy. Some of my (least) favorites are below:
1. From the Knuckle-Dragging, Beta Male Wannabes: "You were raped by a woman? Dude, I'd pay to have that happen to me!" Usually followed by, "was she hot?"
2. From the I Failed Biology 101 Coalition: "Come on, a man wouldn't get an erection if he didn't want it."
3. From the Close-minded Stereotypers Pretending to Be Feminists Gallery: "Women don't do that, rape is a crime committed by men against women."
4. From the I've Never Been Traumatized Personally, But I'm an Expert Just the Same Federation: "If you focused on the positive things in life, instead of dwelling on this icky stuff you'd get over it." This is often substituted with, "it has been XXX years, how long are you gonna let it bother you?"
5. And finally, from the I Have A Magic Calculator that Can Assign Objective Values and Hierarchies to Human Suffering Committee: "Others have been through worse, what makes your little problem so special?"
I could go on for a while longer, but I think the sarcasm is dripping enough as is now. :)/>
1. From the Knuckle-Dragging, Beta Male Wannabes: "You were raped by a woman? Dude, I'd pay to have that happen to me!" Usually followed by, "was she hot?"
2. From the I Failed Biology 101 Coalition: "Come on, a man wouldn't get an erection if he didn't want it."
3. From the Close-minded Stereotypers Pretending to Be Feminists Gallery: "Women don't do that, rape is a crime committed by men against women."
4. From the I've Never Been Traumatized Personally, But I'm an Expert Just the Same Federation: "If you focused on the positive things in life, instead of dwelling on this icky stuff you'd get over it." This is often substituted with, "it has been XXX years, how long are you gonna let it bother you?"
5. And finally, from the I Have A Magic Calculator that Can Assign Objective Values and Hierarchies to Human Suffering Committee: "Others have been through worse, what makes your little problem so special?"
I could go on for a while longer, but I think the sarcasm is dripping enough as is now. :)/>
#545
Posted 18 May 2010 - 11:23 PM
After one of my cousins molested me I told my mom...to which I got the response: "Well did you say no?" ...yes mom... "well did you say NO?"
...Hey, did you know that if you say 'no' more angrily it means that you mean it more?
Later in the conversation she blamed what happened to me on what I was wearing..."You know, you walk around here in your little shorts and little tank tops"...
...a few things...1~It was August...I guess I should have been wearing a wool sweater...2~He was my cousin...3~I could have been stark raving naked and he still had no right...
During another conversation regarding another molestation by another cousin my mom asked me if I had told my friend (this friend went to the same high school as the prick) When I told her that I hadn't told my friend (a lie) she responded "well good, because do you have any idea what you could have done to his reputation?"
...because I'm really worried about his reputation...well to update...this was 12 years ago...and let me tell you, THANK GOD no one found out about what he did to me because his reputation is just sparkling...he has lost his licence more than 3 times for years at a time and most recently, right after he got the state mandated breathalizer taken out of his car, he got drunk behind the wheel and decided to try and out run a cop...and ended up in a tree...(i remember everyone in my family was devastated and praying he'd be ok...I did not pray.) He's fine health wise although he did spend Christmas in the ICU...I'm looking forward to June when he goes to court...and more than likely gets jail time...each time he screws up and gets caught it's like a little drop of heavely karma ;)/>
...Hey, did you know that if you say 'no' more angrily it means that you mean it more?
Later in the conversation she blamed what happened to me on what I was wearing..."You know, you walk around here in your little shorts and little tank tops"...
...a few things...1~It was August...I guess I should have been wearing a wool sweater...2~He was my cousin...3~I could have been stark raving naked and he still had no right...
During another conversation regarding another molestation by another cousin my mom asked me if I had told my friend (this friend went to the same high school as the prick) When I told her that I hadn't told my friend (a lie) she responded "well good, because do you have any idea what you could have done to his reputation?"
...because I'm really worried about his reputation...well to update...this was 12 years ago...and let me tell you, THANK GOD no one found out about what he did to me because his reputation is just sparkling...he has lost his licence more than 3 times for years at a time and most recently, right after he got the state mandated breathalizer taken out of his car, he got drunk behind the wheel and decided to try and out run a cop...and ended up in a tree...(i remember everyone in my family was devastated and praying he'd be ok...I did not pray.) He's fine health wise although he did spend Christmas in the ICU...I'm looking forward to June when he goes to court...and more than likely gets jail time...each time he screws up and gets caught it's like a little drop of heavely karma ;)/>
#546
Posted 03 June 2010 - 11:38 AM
I told a friend my story and she responded, "Why didn't you just kick him in the balls?"
#547
Posted 09 June 2010 - 07:02 AM
I had been seeing this guy, I'll call him J... (and yes we'd been engaging in oral sex up to that point because of birth control issues), and we had plans for the weekend...we were gonna have vaginal sex because the birth control issues were handled, I had a big dinner planned and I was going to cook for him...and I was going to tell J what happened to me -- that I'd been repeatedly raped by a boyfriend I had lived with, who I will call him. After dinner, J dropped me off and was acting weird about our plans for the weekend, so I called him later that night. That's when J told me he didn't want to see me anymore. I was devastated, but not as much when, he said, "I think you've been raped...maybe more than once...and that's a lot to deal with." I asked him why he thought that and he said he'd picked up on a few things I'd said.
Why would J say something like that? There wasn't any need...J had already broke up with me and I'd accepted it. What was the point?
To make matters worse, I have been raped more than once -- two times I'd never told anyone about until I told my therapist after J's comments -- and repeatedly by A, who would also drug me and let people rape me for drugs and money. A would repeatedly tell me that no man would ever love me or want to be with once they knew what he (A) had done to me, and that I had nothing to offer a man but sex.
That's why I ended up going back to my therapist, J's words triggered my PTSD, and I started having nightmares, flashbacks and anxiety issues.
Why would J say something like that? There wasn't any need...J had already broke up with me and I'd accepted it. What was the point?
To make matters worse, I have been raped more than once -- two times I'd never told anyone about until I told my therapist after J's comments -- and repeatedly by A, who would also drug me and let people rape me for drugs and money. A would repeatedly tell me that no man would ever love me or want to be with once they knew what he (A) had done to me, and that I had nothing to offer a man but sex.
That's why I ended up going back to my therapist, J's words triggered my PTSD, and I started having nightmares, flashbacks and anxiety issues.
This post has been edited by Cat5: 09 June 2010 - 07:31 AM
#548
Posted 13 June 2010 - 12:14 PM
Not sure if this belongs here, but didn't know where else to put it. My brother texted me this today:
Him: H told me that studies have shown that nine out of ten people enjoy gang rapes...
I responded with are you freaking kidding me...
Him: It's a freaking joke you moron. The one out of ten is the victim...rolflmmfao
He, like the rest of my family and most of my friends, don't know that I was gang raped...geez, I wonder why I didn't tell them...
Him: H told me that studies have shown that nine out of ten people enjoy gang rapes...
I responded with are you freaking kidding me...
Him: It's a freaking joke you moron. The one out of ten is the victim...rolflmmfao
He, like the rest of my family and most of my friends, don't know that I was gang raped...geez, I wonder why I didn't tell them...
#549
Posted 14 June 2010 - 12:34 AM
I disclosed to a group of guys (they'd been making rape jokes towards me and I felt comfortable enough with them to tell them WHY they needed to stop and WHY they weren't funny) and one of them said, "My girlfriend was raped, I know how you feel." Really? My brother has testicular cancer but I don't know how HE feels.
--kitty
--kitty
#550
Posted 18 June 2010 - 08:36 PM
so i think someof the most stupidest comments are "she was promiscuous so she didnt fight, she was never raped" or "she dresses a certain way so she had it comming"these really bother me, these myths are what kept me from reporting both rapes..wish i wouldve done diffrently
#551
Posted 24 June 2010 - 12:51 PM
my top stupid comment award goes to my mother.
me: of course my father is denying everything, that's the classical behaviour of a perpetrator
my mother: no, no, in contrary, he is talking very openly about it
talking openly about WHAT? he claims that I must've understood something wrong. yeah, he talks openly about THAT.
me: I think it started when I was three.
my mother: no, it can't have started at three because I never left your side until that age. it must have started when you were four.
oh yeah, sorry mum I forgot, when you're four you can already give consent so it makes a huge difference if I was three or four years old...
my mother: but how can he have abused you, he was working all the time, he was hardly at home
well, let me remind you that we shared the same household for eighteen years. even if you work much and don't sleep at home every night this still leaves a lot of time for it...
it's amazing how people who usually are emotionally quite intelligent can believe themselves when they say things like that...
me: of course my father is denying everything, that's the classical behaviour of a perpetrator
my mother: no, no, in contrary, he is talking very openly about it
talking openly about WHAT? he claims that I must've understood something wrong. yeah, he talks openly about THAT.
me: I think it started when I was three.
my mother: no, it can't have started at three because I never left your side until that age. it must have started when you were four.
oh yeah, sorry mum I forgot, when you're four you can already give consent so it makes a huge difference if I was three or four years old...
my mother: but how can he have abused you, he was working all the time, he was hardly at home
well, let me remind you that we shared the same household for eighteen years. even if you work much and don't sleep at home every night this still leaves a lot of time for it...
it's amazing how people who usually are emotionally quite intelligent can believe themselves when they say things like that...
#552
Posted 25 June 2010 - 08:09 AM
I don't know if people just honestly don't know what to say and so they start spurting off nonsense or if I just have a bad habit of choosing really stupid friends, but I've heard a lot of outrageous things.
"Did the two of you have sex earlier that evening? If you did, maybe he thought the first yes was good for the whole night."
"What? You were in his bed? You gave consent just by being there. It doesn't matter what you said."
"You're a really nice girl. Someday you'll find a good guy, and he will treat you right."
"Chill out."
"You're a little bit mentally unstable right now. I mean, you're not secure or confident, and you have trust issues. You're scared out of your mind in your own bedroom." (Yeah, it's called rape-response ptsd.)
"Don't you know that I wouldn't hurt you like that? I mean, sure, I hurt you really bad emotionally, but I would never physically attack you or anything like he did." (Oh, good to know that I shouldn't expect it from you. Because I TOTALLY expected it from my attacker. And yeah, you're so trustworthy.)
"Well, sorry, but I don't have any intention of leaving Bartlesville any time soon." (After I told my best friend that I was hurting a lot and wished that we lived closer to each other.)
"Are you sure you aren't just upset that he broke up with you and blowing it out of proportion?"
"Well, if it really was rape, then you should have reported it to the police."
The worst, though, is when someone finds out and then suddenly disappears off the face of the earth. Maybe they just don't know what to say, so they ignore me to avoid the awkwardness. But all I really want is someone to offer to stay the night with me so I can sleep safely, someone to call me once in a while and say, "Hey, how are you doing? Are you okay? Do you need anything?" I just feel so alone.
"Did the two of you have sex earlier that evening? If you did, maybe he thought the first yes was good for the whole night."
"What? You were in his bed? You gave consent just by being there. It doesn't matter what you said."
"You're a really nice girl. Someday you'll find a good guy, and he will treat you right."
"Chill out."
"You're a little bit mentally unstable right now. I mean, you're not secure or confident, and you have trust issues. You're scared out of your mind in your own bedroom." (Yeah, it's called rape-response ptsd.)
"Don't you know that I wouldn't hurt you like that? I mean, sure, I hurt you really bad emotionally, but I would never physically attack you or anything like he did." (Oh, good to know that I shouldn't expect it from you. Because I TOTALLY expected it from my attacker. And yeah, you're so trustworthy.)
"Well, sorry, but I don't have any intention of leaving Bartlesville any time soon." (After I told my best friend that I was hurting a lot and wished that we lived closer to each other.)
"Are you sure you aren't just upset that he broke up with you and blowing it out of proportion?"
"Well, if it really was rape, then you should have reported it to the police."
The worst, though, is when someone finds out and then suddenly disappears off the face of the earth. Maybe they just don't know what to say, so they ignore me to avoid the awkwardness. But all I really want is someone to offer to stay the night with me so I can sleep safely, someone to call me once in a while and say, "Hey, how are you doing? Are you okay? Do you need anything?" I just feel so alone.
#553
Posted 25 June 2010 - 09:35 AM
Gods, some of the things that people have said are so stupid! I've had a few hurtful comments:
When I first confided in my best friend, he didn't seem to get it. Didn't quite believe me (not so much calling me a liar, just couldn't get his head around it, he seemed to think I was superwoman, bad things happening to me just didn't make sense). But it got worse. When I tried to explain that I'd sort of repressed it all, not wanting to deal with it, he interrupts saying: "Oh people don't really repress memories, the brain doesn't work like that." well thanks, your GCSE level (done age 14-15) psychology class has clearly qualified you to tell me what trauma survivors do and do not experience. Thank you for invalidating me like that, you're a real help. Said idiot (who is still a dear friend, and has matured considerably since all this) also said "Go away you're making me depressed." when I was trying to talk to him about how down I felt.
Another so-called-friend who I was trying to tell about my SI responded: "You're crazy, I don't want anything do do with you."
I was discussing why I have certain issues with sex, with a friend, and commented that it meant that I was going to have certain problems. His response? "No it isn't because you're not going to let him do that to you. You're not going to let him make you a victim." sure he probably meant that to be empowering, but it wasn't. I didn't LET my R effect me, it just does. I didn't LET the flashbacks or nightmares happen, they just do.
I was sitting on the bus chatting to an acquainted, a few weeks after my R, and he commented (though he didn't know what had happened to me) that he thought most rapes were just a girl having too much drink and regretting her sex partner the next morning.
Anyway I'm off to knit myself some Chinese food!
When I first confided in my best friend, he didn't seem to get it. Didn't quite believe me (not so much calling me a liar, just couldn't get his head around it, he seemed to think I was superwoman, bad things happening to me just didn't make sense). But it got worse. When I tried to explain that I'd sort of repressed it all, not wanting to deal with it, he interrupts saying: "Oh people don't really repress memories, the brain doesn't work like that." well thanks, your GCSE level (done age 14-15) psychology class has clearly qualified you to tell me what trauma survivors do and do not experience. Thank you for invalidating me like that, you're a real help. Said idiot (who is still a dear friend, and has matured considerably since all this) also said "Go away you're making me depressed." when I was trying to talk to him about how down I felt.
Another so-called-friend who I was trying to tell about my SI responded: "You're crazy, I don't want anything do do with you."
I was discussing why I have certain issues with sex, with a friend, and commented that it meant that I was going to have certain problems. His response? "No it isn't because you're not going to let him do that to you. You're not going to let him make you a victim." sure he probably meant that to be empowering, but it wasn't. I didn't LET my R effect me, it just does. I didn't LET the flashbacks or nightmares happen, they just do.
I was sitting on the bus chatting to an acquainted, a few weeks after my R, and he commented (though he didn't know what had happened to me) that he thought most rapes were just a girl having too much drink and regretting her sex partner the next morning.
Anyway I'm off to knit myself some Chinese food!
#554
Posted 26 June 2010 - 10:41 AM
I was reading a comment about the Anti-Rape Condom a female doctor in South Africa has developed, and one of the comments said that women put themselves in "rapeable" situations. What a freaking moron. :angry:/>
#555
Posted 27 June 2010 - 02:27 PM
Someone said to me recently - "You're not planning to have kids are you?" I said "no" and he said "Good, that's very sensible because kids whose parents abuse them usually go on to abuse their own kids. It's in their genes."
!!!
!!!
