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fretting for my chick

Posted by , 09 September 2005 · 165 views

My lovely seventeen year old son, Nick, has been offered a room in a house with some people with whom he gets on really well.The house is five minutes away, Nick works for his dad so I'll see him all the time, and yet I feel absolutely slaughtered. I can't stop crying...and I know I'm overreacting - I mean it isn't as if he's going across the world...but it hurts so. I wish I knew why my heart feels this way.Nick and I have a volatile relationship; he pushes my buttons, I yell and then we hug. Lord...he's grown up so fast....too fast...they're not little for long...I always thought that because I have a very strong identity outsiide of parenting, my kids leaving home wouldn't hurt so much...I was wrong.I keep thinking of things I've done wrong as a parent; what I wish I'd done better and I've been paranoid my Nick's leaving because he thinks I don't love him. He'd think I was crazy if I said that to him; he knows I love him.I'm carefully controlling my emotions around him; I don't want him to feel manipulated. He's excited; this is a normal rite of paasage and he should be supported. Realistically too, I know that when I get over this, and he's bringing his dirty washing around, and raiding the fridge etc, there'll be times it will annoy the shit out of me.I hope my beautiful; boy will know that he's always got a bed here. I Love him :bawling: Love him.SDoes anyone out there understand this....?

First, Lou, welcome to Blog world ;)

Yes, I think I do understand what you are saying! Even though I have another 3 or 4 years w/my oldest, I'm already dreading it, I think...yet, also thinking I'll enjoy more "me" time...I'm already thinking about all the areas I screwed up in when parenting him...the times I yelled when I should have hugged instead...or the times that I couldn't find it in me to turn away and close my eyes (errr...mouth) when I should've let him learn on his own...the times that his room being clean became more important than his going outside to play...

I worry that when he leaves, he'll be glad to leave...and that he won't know how much I really love him...that he'll be glad to leave...

For me, I think that I know how I felt/feel about my mother...and I don't want my child having those same feelings about me when he walks out of my house...if that makes sense.

July 2016

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