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Too much

Posted by Sammyxxx , 30 September 2013 · 203 views

Went back to my Dr today - he was running 40mins late so I had a long stint in the waiting room, it was loud and I wanted to tune it all out and retreat into my mind but I was afraid I would miss hearing my name being called so I sat on full alert freaking out inside and on the verge of tears, wanting to run out of there and home. I was finally called and the Dr apologised for keeping me waiting and then for under medicating me last time - so my dose of gabapentin is now to be increased over the next week or two.

I got out and handed in my script at the chemist so I need to collect it tomorrow. I decided despite feeling overwhelmed to head into town for a mooch around. My mood did not improve I went through the motions but the thought that kept running through my mind was that if I do this today I can spend the rest of the week at home and wont have to go out again, except to the chemist. I could find no pleasure in my outing today at all. I needed to get the bus to the supermarket on the way home and then wait for my husband to pick me up so I had time to kill and boy did it feel like an eternity. I got to the bus stop too early so sat and watched two go by I could have gotten on. I felt very aware that nobody I saw looked happy, I wondered if anyone was happy anywhere - perhaps just children I thought as they don't understand the mess of this world.

I wont continue with the tale of my day - it did not improve and even now home and in my dressing gown I feel cold and uncomfortable. I am so very down, I ache all over and have jabbing pains going on here and there intermittently, my head is aching - probably from crying again. I feel like a wretched thing, nothing like me. I don't understand why I feel so bad of late, things are not all bad and I have things I should be happy about. I keep telling myself I need to find some happiness within me, need to make myself smile somehow but it would seem to be like asking night to be day. Please let tomorrow see a return to a happier me again..

It is very difficult to be happy when in physical pain on top of emotional pain. I know all about that. I have fibromyalgia and it causes me pain like you described. I take Lyrica twice a day and amitriptyline at night so I can sleep will.

Gabapentin sounds similar to my amitriptyline. I hope the increase gives you some relief.

Take good care of you.

July 2016

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