Crap follows crap
My ex, the father of my children still owes me over $20,000. in arrears child support and for the most part he has been pretty good about sending money every other week. A couple months ago he decided to reduce his payments per month by $60.00. I say some money is better than no money. Anyway he forgot to send money this last Monday. It came today. I went four days without my antidepressant and two days without my pain meds for fibromyalgia.
It snowed on and off all day Wednesday. Since then the temps have dropped to low 20's. I still do not have heat or hot water. I am so tired of being cold and yesterday I could not stay warm and my body protested in a big way; pain, pain and more pain.
Two nights terrible nightmares of people trying to kill me, one which wanted to take a bite out of my shoulder. Very disturbing. I kept waking up from pain, even the hair on legs hurt and burned. Maybe that's a sign I need to shave my legs. Off and on yesterday I just curled up in my bed with as many blankets as I could.
I came out to the livingroom around 1pm and my daughter and boyfriend were gone. No note or text message so I thought they were out running errands. The boyfriend came in the house around 2pm alone went to their room and came back one of her bras. I asked him where my daughter was. Well, oh she in the hospital. She was in so much pain doubled over pain so he took her to the ER. He did not ask if I would like to go be with her. He was on his way back up there. They returned around 5pm. I waited for a call or text. They did some tests and found that she has an ovarian cyst. They gave her Percocet for pain.
I don't know when exactly I became so sensitive. I was angry and hurt that they did not tell me they were going to the ER and just left me in dark about it. I guess what matters here is that my daughter is not in so much pain and I got my meds.
I am still damn cold and they are in her room keeping each other warm and also have a floor heater while I try to stay warm with blankets and a heating blanket. Spring and warmer weather are coming soon right?
I do not trust or have confidence in my emotions anymore. I question every emotion I feel like is the emotion valid or is it petty stupid misplaced etc.... I think I prefer to be numb instead. It hurts too much.
When and if I get approved for SS disability I will get arrears from when I first applied and if and when I get that I think I will give my daughter and her boyfriend money to move out on their own. In my case misery does not like company. I have my cats to love me and cheer me up and of course all you wonderful people. Maybe that is enough.
Blessings to all