I'm not 100% sure why but fall is a tough season for me. I believe that there might be an anniversary trigger around this time of year but my memory for what happened isn't great. I've blocked out events and I only have one solid recollection of an event occurring at this time of year. I don't know if I buy into that hypothesis by my therapist but not outside realm of possibility.
I had an interesting discussion with my therapist recently. I was talking with her about headaches I've been having and she commented that I'm not someone to be somatic and that I'm not one to be looking for secondary gain. I discussed that I feel uncomfortable with people taking care of me. I'm generally independent and like to be able to do things on my own schedule. Later in the discussion, she pointed out that I'm someone who often seeks the approval of people in authority.
On the one hand, I'm fiercely independent YET, I desperately want people to like me and think highly of me. This is BY FAR the strangest dichotomy in my personality I have encountered yet! So, what is the middle ground on this? Interdependence. How do I get there? Not sure. Its a work in progress.