prolonged exposure therapy...
She is being encouraging.
She wants me to do less avoiding of dealing with the trauma.
Which has affected all areas of my life.
I do agree with her, I need to deal with it. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being ruled by the trauma, or at least feeling like I am being ruled by it.
I want to live, fully, wholly, with some sense of inner peace.
And I think she knows that it will be hard. But still, there seems to be a part of her, maybe just a small part, that acts like it’s no big deal?
I don’t think that anyone who hasn’t lived through trauma can totally relate. If you have never been raped, or assaulted, there is just no way that you can possibly know what it’s like, what it FEELS like, to have lived through that.
I hate that I do know what it feels like.
I see her again next week, and we will discuss it again. I’m pretty sure I understand PET, and what it entails.
I am just a little scared.
Scared for what it will bring up. The last time we did trauma processing, I started on a downward spiral of depression. It just brought up so much from the rapes.
I almost feel like I won’t survive the therapy. Which is insane. Because, I survived being raped. I have survived this long. Surely I must be strong enough to survive trauma therapy.
I don't know.
I do believe that in order to heal, in order to find inner peace, that I have to work on me from the inside out.
And I think that trauma processing in any form qualifies as working on me from the inside out.