Jump to content



Posted by EVH , 06 March 2013 · 41 views

Haven't slept in 9 weeks. Too scared to close my eyes. But this time it's my back pain that keeps me awake. Got up to make some coffee. And then the pain hit me. Sharp like a razor blade going through my hips and sacrum. For the first time ever pain knocked me down. I fell. A totally uncontrolled reaction.

Is this how my life is going to look like now?

My mum says my back pain is just in my head. Mum says I should get a life. Have a normal life like my brother or other girls at my age. I should get busy. Mum says I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

Mum, it's me Eve. Your daughter, remember? Mum I'm in pain. Mum it hurts.Why can't you just believe me? Remember when I was little and had massive headaches? You used to put your hand on my forehead and say you're taking the pain away from me. Can you please do this now? Please make it stop hurting. Please. Mum.

Went for a walk. And for the first time in my life I broke down. So there I was. In the middle of an Australian bush. Down on my knees. In the rain. Having my very own catharsis. My Polish tears soaking the red Australian earth. Crying for the first time in 14 years about what happened. Crying about the amount of pain I'm in. Crying about who I've become.

There I was. Instead of fighting and looking for answers I broke down. Who am I?

6hrs of chem. You can do it. Breathe. You're not stupid like they said. You're not weak like they said. You're not a failure like they said. You've made it that far. Keep going. It's up to you what you do with the time that's given to you. Study. Become who you want to be. Become the best MST therapist. Make your dream come true. Don't let anyone take it away from you this time!

Girl with a broken soul, heart with a gaping hole

STEP back take a breather and just move one, you can do it, I was very much in a similar position as you are in now, it sucks big time, you feel as though the entire universe is against you. Taking 2 steps forward and they knock you back double the amount.
Well am here to tell you that you are not a failure, you can do it, crying is good sometimes, its the bodies way of purging itself, so go ahead, cry and just let it all out.
Failure will always be there, but guess what, it makes you stronger, makes you a better person, and it makes you see things from a different perspective.
Being victims and survivors its dam well hard on us to move on and be great at something because at the first sign of difficulty we falter back into that parallel world that's dark and unwanted.
I am here to let you know that you are not alone on this journey, you will become that MST therapist so long as you have your determination and will to succeed, keep the faith alive.
I am living example of this, am not entirely a success as I am still struggling on finding my niche in life, but I can tell you, that once you put your mind and determination, you will succeed, I am now a qualified Attorney at Law and its time to kick ass
Hugs to you :metoyou:

1 user(s) viewing

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.