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T today...weird.

Posted by SilverandBlue , 12 June 2014 · 218 views

I seem to be obsessed with writing about my appointments with my therapist. Oh well, it's good to get it out and process afterwards!
Today's session was weird. Quite god and forgiveness oriented, which wasn't that huge a deal in itself; I am Christian, and if T isn't she sure acts like one. But anyway, for some reason, T thinks I have huge issues with forgiving myself and letting go. I don't. Only small issues with forgiving myself and letting go.
Sometimes, I can feel like it's been forgiven and I am happy. Other times I need to go to my mom or sister or friend and ask to have it forgiven again and again. I always remind myself that it doesn't actually matter if I did something bad or not. I can still have it forgiven! Realizing that made me really, really happy and I was good for a while.
Then the doubt sneaked back in and I lost it again. And went back to my mom.
T read me a story today too. Not because she was trying to indulge little childlike me (I was in that state though) but to help me to realize that I can forgive myself. It was nice though. I sat there with my little stuffed dog and giggled at the absurdity of it all. Here I am, 19 years old and clutching a stuffed toy like I will die if it is taken from me and having a story read to me like a child! I did really giggle and T was quite charmed. She said that when she looked up and saw me sitting there holding a stuffed dog and giggling she would have sworn I was 8 years old 😄 but it was really cute. That just awkwarded me out, but she can say that without me getting too freaked out.
It was kind of like my long session 2 weeks ago, when I practically fell asleep on her couch. Except I didn't fall asleep or even come close. It was just safe.
I really did not want to leave when she have me a hug at the end. I would have gladly just camped out in her office curled in a ball in the corner.



You should see all my stuffed animals. It's crazy.  I have piles and piles.  Two always in bed and one in the TV room along with a pile that I can grab from. I love my stuffed animals. I feel so safe with them.  I think it's lovely you have one at T.  





Hun I'm 23 and I have stuffed animals, I sleep with a stuffed dog and stuffed caterpillar. It's ok to be childlike sometimes. Your T sounds very special. I'm so glad that you have such a safe place with her. 

Jun 12 2014 07:28 PM
I agree with both of you, stuffed toys are absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I sleep with mine, I can't fall asleep otherwise 😄 some childish behavior is normal, and healthy. I have an excess of it. I am working on reacting in an adult manner to undesired outcomes, when all I want to do is throw a fit or pout.
My stuffed toys however? They stay with me!

July 2016

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