There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.
You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.
"Get Over It" A "responses" thread for "wonderful threads"
Posted 11 July 2003 - 01:55 PM
Posted 09 January 2007 - 02:49 PM
Posted 09 January 2007 - 02:56 PM
Its an interesting read.
When someone told me I needed to "get over it" I just quietly said, "its not like that" but they didn't get it.
My mum constantly tells me to put it in the past and move on. But how can I do that when my past is in front of my every day?
I am going to try those responses next time I'm feeling sassy touhg.
Posted 09 January 2007 - 05:47 PM
Recently, my sister tried this one on me:
"You don't have to talk about it anymore. That's the past and we're not going to talk about him anymore. Just move on."
(My reply was rather measly):
"Don't tell ME what I can and can't talk about."
Posted 25 February 2007 - 12:54 PM
i've been thinking about getting a tattoo to commemorate 1) a year of not smoking and 2) another step in my healing
so i asked some friends to look at some pictures of lotus flowers to help me choose which one to use as a tattoo - after looking at the site AfterSilence and seeing the words about lotus flowers.... anyway
i said if i had a lotus flower i could explain to people why i have it because people ask and i think my past is a huge part of who i am
my friend tells me "are you sure that's a good idea? you might one day not want to tell people you're a survivor and be 'normal' "
Posted 25 February 2007 - 04:45 PM
However this is what happened:
She said, "It happened a while ago. I don't know why you can't just move on."
I said, "I'm sorry I'm not you."
She said, "I never said you were. I'm just tired of sharing you with your past."
I said, "Listen I'm glad for you that you are not affected with it as much as I am...but you have to understand that I just can't forget about it and move on...because if I could...don't you think I would have by now?? Plus my past is a part of me...so if you want to be with me than you are going to have to accept all of me...or just leave...it's your choice."
Needless to say she shut up real fast and has never brought up the subject again.
Posted 26 February 2007 - 12:26 PM
If her intent was to shut me up, she did a good job for a while. I didn't talk about being SA'd again until after I divorced her son... and yes I do partially blame her for the breakup of our marriage.
Last summer she said something to the extent of "You're not the only one things have happened to." It was like she still had to get her screws in - I wanted to say to her, "Why don't YOU get over whatever YOUR thing is with me already?"
Even my ex has a better attitude towards me these days... he also is more on my side about protecting our daughter from my family of origin, though he's still kind of spineless about it. When I asked him if they treated him and my daughter okay at Christmas he began running down who was there and who wasn't... I was like okay, enough. I should have told him you know, they aren't my family anymore, and I don't care who's there or not. I only care that you guys aren't being treated like crap when you escort our daughter to visits with them.
Fortunately I've had my husband there to provide some leverage in the whole thing. He's validated everything I've done to stand up for myself and the pain I'm going through... yesterday I told him I wish I was more healed and that this was all more behind me and I'm sorry I'm so broken, and he said you know what? I knew about all this when I married you and I chose you anyway, and I still love you.
Makes me ALMOST not care about having to clean up after him or how bad he is with money...
Posted 26 February 2007 - 11:26 PM
they dont understand............
me or other survivors.
they don't realize that I (or most survivors) develop PTSD!!! It took me a long time to realize that I have this....I remember being diagnosed with PTSD right after my r***, but later on thought it just went away.....when in reality it definitely didn't. I was going through life not even realizing that I STILL HAD ptsd! I just felt very abnormal and I still do.
I try to explain to these guys and people that what happened to me I will never ever get completely over...that there will ALWAYS be some amount/degree of pain...that what happened to me permanently changed me as a person...that I lost a part of myself that I will never get back...
following my assault i began to slowly piece my life back together......only to realize 4 years later that there will always be pieces of myself still missing....that i will never be able to find or get back ever again.
that i will always live with some degree of guilty, shame, pain, sense of betrayal, lack of self-confidence, humility, and distrust....i feel HE took some of my happiness and joy, as well...i dont seem to smile or laugh as much i used to...
i have to explain to these "get over it" guys/people that it will always come back to me, sometimes when i least expect it......sure maybe i feel a little better, but at other times i dont.......being removed from the situation makes the pain fade more, but often the PTSD makes it come right back, just when u Did indeed think you were all better........
at one point, i did try to put everything behind me...thats called blocking it out...and as most survivors know, it usually comes back to haunt you when u least expect it, and blocking it out is probably your mind protecting yourself until you are ready to begin the journey of healing, and it might even be something that causes u not to heal..........
just a vent
This post has been edited by starry: 26 February 2007 - 11:28 PM
Posted 04 March 2007 - 06:21 PM
" 'Snap out of it', 'put it behind you', 'forget about it' -- words of advice I heard many times from those closest to me -- hardly seem reasonable requests. Indeed, these pleas are especially painful because they come with love. To a rape survivor, nothing is more desired or more impossible than forgetting." -- Nancy Venable Raine, from “After Silence: Rape & My Journey Back”
(Bold is mine. A sentence that I have used as a response in the past to someone telling me to "just get over it".)
This post has been edited by survivor: 04 March 2007 - 06:22 PM
Posted 08 March 2007 - 05:12 AM
Posted 23 June 2007 - 08:10 PM
i have tried to get over it, to forget to stuff it away but its like this to me if someone said that directly, would be saying oh sure i'll be glad to get over it, what a unique and challenging point of view i mean gosh i've never thought of that before wow! i'm cured thank you so much. now i'd like to offer a piece of advice to you, see that woodchipper over there go run your soul through that and get over it!
Posted 24 June 2007 - 11:10 AM
I don't talk about it out in the world so that no one knows and can bring it up. I don't talk about it online because I don't want to get trapped in a cycle of poor me. So I guess I tell myself on a daily basis, just get over it. And sometimes it works. And sometimes . . . it doesn't.