Not okay. I hate feeling like this.
It was an unusually busy night, as this was montly Dr.s rounds night. Tons of new orders. From 10 pm until 5 am, THAT is all I could do. There was no time for anything else. I need to be getting medications together at 4, or I am SCREWED. I was SO behind. I don't really get that anxious anymore at work. I've definantly been one to say, "I can do this!" lately.
I been so good at controling my anxiety ar work, but this morning was a different story. I had terrible chest pains, and couldn't stop shaking. I was dizzy and really needing to sit down, but I didn't have time to take care of me. All I could do is TRY to focus. I had to.
On top of THAT, it was just crazy. The CNA's were overwhelmed too, and people were climbimg out of bed, and had several people on their call bell every 5 minutes, so I kept having to get up from this mountain of paperwork that had to be done by the end of my shift, putting me even further behind.
OH! and getting yelled at by a Dr. for asking a SIMPLE question was a plus. I don't do well with getting yelled at. It triggers me to be yelled at, and I yell back. . .which I couldn't do at work of course.
It took me everything I had not to break down on my shift! Everything! I started to break down as soon as I left, knowing I still have to be back tonight. I really don't want to go, and really shouldn't. Right now I am a sobbing, puking, angry, frustrated mess, but there is no one else to work.
*TW for yelling screaming ans swearing*
IT'S TOO MUCH!!!! I CAN'T FREAKING TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I want to YELL and SCREAM. I fucking hate my life, because not a DAMN thing goes right! SO SICK OF THIS SHITTY ANXIETY AND ANGER RULING MY LIFE!
Now I need sleep to do it all over again tonight, but I am too upset and sick to sleep.
:hissyfit: :)barf :bawling:
Thanks for listening.