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You said you don't miss me and your life is better now without me. My heart is still shattered from you walking out the door. I've come to believe you now that your phone calls are sparse and your pictures are happy. There's so little left of you here now. I can no longer smell you. I hardly remember your sweetness and laughter. That will probably never be shared with me again. We built 13 years together and in a flash, we can't even smile about it.
I would have stayed with you until my dying day but you haven't the strength to walk this road with me. You've decided to give up and move on. I don't blame you for making your choice to leave. But I think its time that you admit that you just don't have the strength to make a marriage work. You gave up.
I wanted to call you today because you are my best friend. I was wanted to tell you everything that happened and that I made a decision to go forward with the disciplinary action. But then I remembered you stopped believing in me a long time ago. You made yourself believe that I was not raped by M. You spent so much time hurting that you never even considered the wounds that rape would have on me. You even told me your knew it was rape. But now you've changed your mind. Its true, I was responsible for not stopping it sooner. My shame runs deep from it. But no means no.
I appreciate that at one time you stood up to my perpetrator.YOu fought for my honor. But it wasn't enough for you or, honestly, for me. I know you felt it was your responsibility to take care of me and that you are sick for not being able to protect me. But since you left I realize now that I have to go it alone. I have to fight my own battles now. In some ways, I must thank you for that.
So from a distance I send you love and compassion. Though our journeys may part, I will never regret the love we shared. But time will fade my love for you and I will one day miss the days of missing you. So I am letting you go so we are free to fly without the weight of these chains. And maybe as you fly above you will finally see the true picture of the world that is me.
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