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Who Deserves to Be Here? Repost
Posted 07 January 2008 - 06:57 AM
that was really good to hear,its such a great encouragment to know that no matter the circumstance we all deserve healing and love. This site is such a great place to come and feel excepted.
Thankyou for the support.
Posted 20 January 2008 - 11:32 PM
I'm not sure which of these things on the list actually happened, and which have been blurred into the rape category without my knowledge over time. "No" has just never seemed to work for me. I guess people can tell when you won't fight. I quit trying to say "no" before the 1st time was over, and sometimes i still just feel like it's happening. So in a way it feels like a 24 year rape. A 35 year molestation. When I say "no" several times in a day and finally at the end of the day when I'm asleep and he tries again...and I "resign"...I feel raped even though my husband thinks that meant "yes".
This post has been edited by songbird427: 20 January 2008 - 11:34 PM
Posted 21 January 2008 - 07:29 AM
thankyou for this post. i realize you posted it a long time ago and i just came across it today. thank you i needed to hear those reasons to heal because i dont believe that i deserve to heal. it is easier for me to offer my support, caring, understanding to everyone els here than to believe that i am good enough to heal for myself. sounds stupid i know but the inside me tells me it is true.
why does this process have to hurt and ache so much inside?
Posted 04 February 2008 - 10:37 AM
This post has been edited by wify: 04 February 2008 - 10:49 AM
Posted 04 February 2008 - 11:10 AM
Posted 20 February 2008 - 11:19 PM
Now I need to keep reminding myself of them.
I've told my story here before, I guess each time hoping for validation, which I still struggle with.
Simply - I was sexually active BY CHOICE with a guy 7 years older than me (I was 17); when he changed and became verbally abusive and controlling I broke it off with him. That's when he raped me, I cried, I asked him to stop and let me go. I didn't report it, I was too ashamed after a supposed friend told me I deserved what had happened becasue I had been sexually active before with him. then he began stalking me until a newer bf (not aware of the rape) chased him off. I didn't tell anyone else for about 6 years.
This happened approx. 35 years ago. I had a terrific loving and safe childhood. I didn't get pregnant from the rape. The few bruises on my arms where he held me were easy to hide and faded fast. Aside from some unwelcome roving hands on the city subway in rush hour, I had few other BAD sex experiences. I spent a short time being promiscuous and having sex just to be able to say I chose to do this. Again, I got away without anything serious haoppening. then I met a wonderful man, amrried him, still married, I told him about the rape a few years after we got married, he's been wonderfully supportive, we are still married and have a very loving and passionate life together with a family.
So I just feel plain STUPID for getting triggered by some stuff a few years ago. And now I can't turn it off.
I come here and read about others who have suffered long time abuse, recent violence, severe injuries, who dont' have a supportive partner and I feel like an idiot.
Ao I need to read your words. thank you.
Posted 26 February 2008 - 08:35 AM
Also, lately I have begun to deal with bad shit that has happened to me when I was really really young. I barely, barely barely remember it. In fact the majority of the memories are in flashbacks or physical memories. These are new, in the sense that they did not used to happen. I feel like I must be making them up, even though I know I am not. It was so REASSURING (sp?) to see that line "if you barely remember it".
I guess that is all I wanted to say. Posting on this kinda makes me scared, I am not sure why, just does.
Posted 26 February 2008 - 09:55 AM
I'm glad you have found us here but I'm sorry for what you have been through. You do deserve to be here :)/> but what you are feeling is valid. Please try not to compare yourself to other survivors, we all deal with what happened to us differently.
I hope that this site can be of some use to you, we are always here if you need us.
Posted 26 February 2008 - 07:37 PM
Posted 27 February 2008 - 07:53 PM
You're not an idiot. Pain is pain; there's no checklist you have to fill out to have the right to hurt, or to have flashbacks, or to experience anything related to that pain. There is no way to accurately compare two peoples' experiences, or their pain, either, because there are just too many variables. Anything from your age at the time to how you were raised to your physical sensitivity to your coping skills can have a major influence on how much pain someone feels. The details of the actual abuse are only one of many pertinent influences. So you may feel like an idiot, but while that feeling is perfectly valid, it doesn't actually reflect the reality of the situation, if you see the difference. :)/>
"She didn't want it and he did it anyway" is pretty much my definition of rape as well - and where it isn't my definition of rape is just that the pronouns aren't always right (sometimes it's "He didn't want it and she did it anyway," etc.). Another definition of rape I like is "sex without joyous consent." If they nag you into it, coerce you, harrass you, or in any way ignore your unwillingness or have sex with you when you are not ABLE to consent (when you are asleep or unconscious, for instance), I consider that rape.
This post has been edited by Shalom: 27 February 2008 - 07:56 PM
Posted 27 February 2008 - 11:58 PM