Pandora's Aquarium: Barter with the martyr - Pandora's Aquarium

I called my mother last night to see how she is and a chat. I am back to where it is me that has to call.

She told me that her furnace is not working. I asked if she has called anyone to look at it. Well no she hasn't cuz she does not have the money (a big lie and as if I am stupid). She has to wait for either her social security or rental money she is expecting next week. I asked her if her water heater is propane too like her furnace. No she has hot water.

This made me angry cuz it was a dig at what a burden I am. So I told her that I up until this month been out of hot water and heat since march cuz I could not pay the bill. Her first question was how did I bathe. I heated water on my electric stove to take to my bathroom and I had my health care people wash my hair with water heated on my electric stove. Then she asked me how come she did not know about this. Because I did not tell her cuz I am already enough of a burden to her. Silence.......

I will get a $150.00 in child support this coming Saturday. Earlier this week I told my daughter I would like to get a few art supplies which would cost around $10.00. When she got home yesterday from a training class she started to budget out my money without remembering what I asked for but had no problem budgeting in a video game or two for her and her boyfriend.

I don't want to barter and I don't want to become a martyr.

I don't want to lower myself to other's levels.

But maybe I am already a martyr and lowered to obscurity.

This week I feel invalidated and invisable and mute.

Blessings to all