[blondie2002]

Most of the people (friends and family) that have told me that I need to "get over it" :blink:/> have never dealt with this kind of thing before. Last week when I was talking with my mom, I "finally" told her exactly what happened that night I was *****! :tear:/>

This post has been edited by blondie24: 24 June 2007 - 03:04 PM

[Lyla]

I would get over it if I hadn't suffered from an obvious mental illness after "it" happened. I do get over it- just I am at different phases in healing- I don't always talk about it.

It just seems to me my experience of rape, and my unfortunate experiences in physical abuse (from family) right after rape will always stay with me in some way. My experience of "get over it" was just as harsh as the rape itself.

Years later I can remember being told by my mother that "people who suffer from depression after rape are just weak." I grew up in that family and just being exposed to that kind of message is a sort of psychological abuse that affects you to the bone, as does experiencing rape.

L

[SurvivingTheStorm]

"Leave it in the past...it's over. Move on"-various people

response: yes the worst is over...but it is still affecting my life. And to move on I have to heal and yes that does involve thinking about it you (insert choice 4 letter word here)...*sarcastic grin again!*

These people need to get over the fact that I'm not over it!!!!!!!!!!

This post has been edited by Catherine37: 19 August 2008 - 10:39 PM

[WCSusan]

I think the hardest part of hearing "just get over it" is that I would like nothing better. Hearing the words and realizing that I can't just makes me feel worse about myself. It's like saying that I'm flawed somehow because this still affects me. The same thing for "you are not the only one who things have happened to".

These comments just reinforce to me that my feelings are not important. It not only minimizes what happened, it also minimizes me, which is something the abuse did as well. People don't realize that the refusal to deal with it and confront it just encourage the continuance of pain, both inside of us and in the world as well. As long as people continue to want to sweep it under the rug, there will be people who will treat others with such disregard and cruelty.

Every time someone minimizes one of us, they minimize all of us. Every time someone is deliberately cruel to one of us, the world is less of a safe place for all of us. But in the same vein, every time someone is caring and supportive to one of us, the world gets a little better for all of us. The more we can feel safe in sharing who we are and how we feel, the more loving the world will become.

When people make comments like that they think they are being helpful but it is more about how they feel. It is upsetting to them to deal with issues of abuse and assault because they don't want to be reminded that it could happen to them. The best thing we can do is to educate them about how this affects us all.

Susan

[Shalom]

Precious_Angel, on Jun 24 2007, 11:10 AM, said:

Some of us think this way on our own.

Yeah, I was handicapped in my healing for a long time because I believed I should "get over it" and tried to force myself to do so. But "get over it" is another way of saying "just drop it" or "don't deal with it", and not dealing with it is not going to lead to healing.

SurvivingTheStorm, on Jun 29 2007, 03:19 PM, said:

These people need to get over the fact that I'm not over it!!!!!!!!!!

:goodjob:/>

I think they need to "get over" themselves. :P/>

WCSusan, on Jul 10 2007, 02:36 PM, said:

As long as people continue to want to sweep it under the rug, there will be people who will treat others with such disregard and cruelty.

Every time someone minimizes one of us, they minimize all of us. Every time someone is deliberately cruel to one of us, the world is less of a safe place for all of us. But in the same vein, every time someone is caring and supportive to one of us, the world gets a little better for all of us. The more we can feel safe in sharing who we are and how we feel, the more loving the world will become.

Exactly. The whole "get over it" thing ends up empowering the abusers. :angry:/> It's a very short-sighted and selfish approach - truly, it's usually a self-protective approach, used by people who are trying to avoid recognizing other people's pain for whatever reason; because they want to believe they could "get over it" in our place, because they don't want to recognize the pain they may have caused by acting like our abusers; because they don't want to recognize how dangerous the world they live in can be; whatever. I tend to just avoid those with the "get over it" mentality instead of challenging it, though, which can be a type of cowardice in itself. :blush:/> Sometimes people who use "get over it" respond pretty well if you challenge them - those are usually the ones who use that response "on automatic", because it's the common cultural attitude, rather than people who are deliberately trying to dodge pain or responsibility with it.

Sheryl

[SurvivingTheStorm]

Quote

I think they need to "get over" themselves.

haha, I agree! :D/>

[Goldie]

3 Days ago I finally told my mom, who is the most understanding amazing women, what had happened to me. My husband has known for the last 3 years of our 4 year relationship and knew that I was notready to talk to about it.

My husband works out of town and today, we were talking on the phone and I've been quite emotional since telling my mom, actually asked me if " I was PMSing"?

Is there anyway to explain it so that they realise how trying this is?

[gospel of lilith]

A Response

A short play (not strictly 'get over it', but similar idiocy).



INSENSITIVE FRIEND: Are you still upset about that? You should have gotten over it by now. Besides, lots of people have it worse than you do.

LILITH's eyes narrow. LILITH pinches INSENSITIVE FRIEND very hard.

INSENSITIVE FRIEND: Ow!

LILITH: Shut up. Lots of people have it worse than you.

INSENSITIVE FRIEND: Yeah, but it still hurts.

LILITH grins.

LILITH: Checkmate, motherf-cker.

INSENSITIVE FRIEND is speechless while LILITH goes to find someone more worth her time.

[SweetSangria]

get over it usually elicits the one digit salute and a "fuck you" unless i am feeling particularly eloquent that day then it's fuck you asshole. i make no apologies, that response is insensitive and deserves insensitivity in return

[Kadie]

My "friend" tried to "help" me get over rape by physically hurting me and trying to rape me. He only made things worse

[deseretrain]

I once said, "If you think it's stupid that I'm still upset about it, or you don't want to hear about it, then I suggest that you kill yourself. Then you wouldn't have to listen to me complain anymore. Because you'd be dead. So that would definitely be my recommendation."

[honey]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs to you all)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It amazes me how insensitive people can be, especially to their loved ones. If 'getting over it' was sooooooooo easy.... you would have done that already. You would not expect someone who has say, lost a leg, to 'just get over it!!!!!!!!!!!'
Ohhhhhh it makes me mad to read the terrible thisngs that have been said to you all. grrrrrrrrrr.

Take care everyone

Honey

[Persephone]

Those three words hurt me so much that I respond to it as cruelly as I can. Anything that has been confided in me I bring it up and throw into their face to show how much it hurts.

ex: "I'll get over this when you get over being dumped by a married man who never wanted you."

[gospel of lilith]

survivors: sharp when provoked

[SurvivingTheStorm]

gospel of lilith, on Dec 29 2007, 06:33 PM, said:

survivors: sharp when provoked

Ha! :D/>