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Tonight i fucked up, tonight i was selfish. Tonight part of me doesn't care.
I hurt myself, not badly, for the the first time in over a year. Im hiding it from P.
That i feel bad for, i feel guilty for hiding it. I don't want him to know. He's the only reason i really feel bad about it.
I want to talk to someone, who understands. I close up and struggle alot of the time. At least to tell someone how im really feeling. I find i hard even here. Im not even sure if anyone will read it.
Im dreading tomorrow already, its another day and all that but that means another day of this possibly. I know im being negative here, thats all i feel right now. This black cloud over me is getting heavier.
I want it gone.
I hurt myself, not badly, for the the first time in over a year. Im hiding it from P.
That i feel bad for, i feel guilty for hiding it. I don't want him to know. He's the only reason i really feel bad about it.
I want to talk to someone, who understands. I close up and struggle alot of the time. At least to tell someone how im really feeling. I find i hard even here. Im not even sure if anyone will read it.
Im dreading tomorrow already, its another day and all that but that means another day of this possibly. I know im being negative here, thats all i feel right now. This black cloud over me is getting heavier.
I want it gone.
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But inevitably, my fiance noticed. I wish I could take it back because one little slip can ruin everything. He won't let me wear bracelets anymore. I can't hide it anymore so I can't use it as a coping method. Sometimes I desperately wish for a tiny square of skin on my body that he could never see.
But it's not a healthy coping method. I know that, I know the difference. It seems like each coping method can only work for so long.
I'm not sure if it's the same thing you're dealing with, but I can tell you that I understand how I feel. I'm sorry if I made this all about me I just want you to know that i'm here for you and I understand
I did end up telling him, i just blurted it out before i had a chance to stop myself. Logically i know it isn't the right thing to do, i hope i can let this be a one off.
Please don't apologise, you haven't made it about you. You've just helped remind me im not alone. I wish no one could relate but when they can, its a comfort to know.
So thank you, really.