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No idea where to start...

Posted by erelentless , 09 May 2013 · 73 views

I don't really know what to say, i'm not good at writing and i'm not good at talking to anyone, I'm not even sure if i actually have a problem or if i'm just being pathetic, The borderlines of rape are so confusing and i don't know whether i have been and don't want to accept it or am just making a drama out of nothing.
Quick summary- one night stand that went really wrong, i was drunk he was drunker, we ended up back at his and everything was fine, i had every intention to sleep with him, so we did, lights went off, started to fall asleep, 10 mins later he turns on the lights and says "f**k this" turns me over and pulls my by my legs to the end of the bed, i said no, what are you doing, come on lets just go to bed, he just kept on saying "shut the fuck up" over and over, and held his hand over my mouth until i was quiet, this happened a few times during the sex and i was a little scared.
The next day he drove me back and i called a friend making a joke about it but the longer it went on the more upset i got and by monday night i was crying to a friend about it.
All of a sudden 7 friends knew when i only told 2 and theyre all tiptoeing around.
What i really am not sure about is- is it actually rape? i got myself into that situation, i did give consent for the first time. and im just a little stuck on how to feel about the whole thing. should i be upset and let it get to me or just pretend it never happened?

I am very sorry this happened to you. ((((safe hugs))) and yes that is rape. Yes you consented the first time but not the second that is rape. If you consented the 1st time and then in the middle of sex said stop and he doesn't that is rape because you withdrew your consent. You are not overreacting and this is not your fault. You need to always remember that. And I am sorry that your friends are tip toeing around you. I hate that when my friends do that because they make me feel damaged.

As far to react now if you don't mind I will give you some personal advice from my experience. NEVER pretend like it didn't happen. I tried that and instead I ended up cutting myself, drinking my pain away, and didn't care about my personal safety.

This is one of the best explanations I have heard of why rape is such a damaging thing to people. Rape isn't like other crimes, the victim can't be reimbursed, and they rarely receive justice. When a person is raped it feels like part of their soul is taken from them. NEVER EVER ignore it. It will just cause more pain. My advice is to see a therapist as soon as you can. If you can't fond someone you can trust that wont tell if you don't want them to and talk to them about everything.It will hopefully be very therapeutic. I hope this helped and we at Pandy's will always be there for you.
May 12 2013 09:44 AM
Thanks, you have no idea how helpful that response was, I think i might look at talking to someone about it. :)

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