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And possibly, a community.We entered and it felt like home.
And I went to church again this morning.Big Catholic church.Older congregation.A whole lot of people who I could see have walked the very aisles and sat in the very same pews since their confirmation.It was their home. I had been there a few times. It was a beautiful service, but the congregation felt cold.
I was brought up protestant.A Easter Sunday - Christmas eve kind of church goer.Forced into a pretty new dress / outfit & matching patent leather shoes.And a bonnet.
As I grew up,I was attracted to the pagan rituals of the celts.I like the idea of celebrating Solstices and the turning of the seasons.It feels very right to me.I also made it a point to attend "church call" at the living history events.Theres something special about the 18c services - the shortened ones , anyway- Cotton Mather was a windbag - the Puritans had some strange idea that church should last 8 hours, and unlike the Quakers who let you sleep in their church,the Puritans clocked you over the head with a brass knob.I liked dressing up in my long dresses and being escorted by a gentleman , and reading the old texts that our country was founded upon.My own wedding ceremony was a mix. It had a hand binding ceremony (pagan ritual), an apache wedding blessing, an 18c reading, and some lovely poetry.No one was going to hell, we werent being damned nor was there a guy in a dress assuring us eternal life and salvation because we were following in the ways of the church.
And it felt SO right.
And at the same time,I feel guilty about it.And interested about what makes someone so devoted to the rituals that so define a religion.
Im educated enough that I can get through a mass with ease.And maybe it was the tiredness that made me think this way.But I found myself sitting in my pew completely fascinated by the very service I was witnessing.
Maybe I grew too aware of the scandal in the Boston Archdiocese.I know I was pissed off at my sister, not that she converted - but that she so silently and unquestionably supports the Boston Archdiocese.Without question.I know its not the Religion its self, but the few bad people who harmed soo many.And when I asked her what she thought about the scandal & abuse, she stared at me blankly , and was like "It doesnt affect me"..Hmm..so when little Nunzio grows up to be an alter boy..your not even going to have an inkling of fear?
I stood up ,sat down, prayed prayerfully (mostly anyway - in between prayers for my grandma & family & friends, I may have let slip in a prayer for an IPOD..but I digress)
I was in AWE of the devotion showed by the people who were there.And maybe a little jealous that they had found peace there,and within themselves.But how much of that was blind ? Can you have a blind faith?Can there be faith without questioning?
Im sure this topic will continue as I start to discover this part of my life.